I'm Lost With You Alex Gaskarth
by TheBeehive
Summary: ALEX GASKARTH ALL TIME LOW FANFIC! :D
1. Chapter 1

I was just getting ready for the show. Sound check, vocalizing, I had them all down but for some reason, I felt really nervous. It's not as if I'm not always nervous but right now, I felt more nervous. Maybe it's just because it was a sold out show but that wasn't it either. So I just stared at the mirror looking at the face that was staring back at me.

"Are you done staring at yourself yet pretty boy?" Jack asked as soon as he came in the room. Everyone else was already by the stage getting ready while I was left here scared and terrified for some unknown reason.

"Uh, yea I guess," I said and got up. I got a bottle of water before I went backstage. I drank the whole thing and threw it before the announcer called us out.

Once we were introduced, everyone screamed and all the girls kept shouting. The roadie handed me a guitar and then we started the show.

"Hey Baltimore!" Jack greeted through the microphone and got loud screams in return.

"Are you ready?" Zack asked and got another shower of yells.

"This song is called Poppin' Champagne." I said and we started to play.

In my opinion, we were playing really well and everyone sang to most of the songs. It was already the fifth song and I felt kinda uneasy. I stared at Jack who was staring at me. He mouthed an "are you okay?" and I quickly shook my head.

"Oh, umm, everyone, we might need a break, something's up with Alex." Jack announced and I gave the guitar to the roadie and ran backstage. I really needed to pee. I took a bathroom break and felt relieved right after.

I rushed back to center stage feeling lighter and better. Excitement started to fill me up once more and I couldn't help but show off my brightest smile.

"So who's ready for more?" I asked and got yelled back. I loved it when the crowd went wild like that.

"Well then, let's get on with the show then," Jack said and we started playing the intro to Dear Maria.

The rest of the night passed by in a blur and well lets just say tonight was awesome and I've never felt so blissful. When the show was through, we walked back to the room where I got to take a shower first. Once I took a quick shower and changed in to a new set of clothes, I went out of the bathroom and checked my phone just to see that I didn't have any call or text message. It was depressing to say the least but my spirit's too high to be pulled down by an empty inbox.

"What happened to you a while ago?" Zack asked as soon as we got back on the bus.

"Well, I kinda needed to pee," I said and they all laughed.

"You looked so scared when you looked at me man and all you needed to do was pee? I thought you were about to barf or something." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever man," I said and walked to the back of the bus where a couch was waiting for me to sit on it. So I sat down and waited for the driver to drop everyone off at their houses. It was the last day of the tour and I don't think we'll be back on tour until our manager tells us that we got a gig somewhere.

I was always the last one to be dropped off since I lived in an apartment building while the rest lived in their own houses. I didn't really want to live with my parents anymore so I got my own apartment. When I got dropped off, I got my bags and went up through the elevator. So far so good, I didn't seem to attract attention. There's no need to use the stairs tonight. I sighed to myself and walked out the elevator doors as soon as the ding sound was heard. I walked to my door and reached in my back pocket and looked for my key. But it's not in pocket. I remember holding it in the elevator. Maybe it fell out of my hands. I retraced my steps and looked down as I walked.

"I think you might've dropped this," a girl said. I looked up and saw perfection. She was so damn hot. I blinked twice before saying anything.

"Uh, thanks," I said taking the keys from her hands and once I got them, she tilted her head and stared at me.

"Aren't you Alex Gaskarth?" She said and I immediately felt like running. I wonder if she had back up.

"Yea," I said and I covered my ears and shut my eyes preparing for the worst.

"What are you doing?" she asked with the cutest giggle.

"Well I was expecting the worse but I guess I was just assuming too much," I explained.

"Well, it's getting kinda late and I just arrived from a 2 hour flight so I think I'm gonna go hit the sack." She said dragging her luggage to her room. I followed her there since we were apartment neighbors.

"Good night," I said.

"Good night, Rockstar." She said and I smirked. She went in to her room and I went in to mine.

I left my bags unpacked and I looked at the clock. It was 12:37 A.M. I looked around and noticed how clean my apartment was. Well it won't be clean for long.

I walked to my room and I brushed my teeth. After which, I changed in to my boxers and lay on my bed in my sheets but I couldn't sleep just yet. My mind was filled with pictures of her, the girl next door. The prettiest girl I think I've ever seen. I let her voice replay over and over in my head and made it my lullaby and as it played, I fell deeper and deeper in to sleep where all I could hear was her voice saying "Good night Rockstar,"


	2. Chapter 2

"Dude, get the fuck up!" Jack said shaking me like crazy while I rolled to the other side. I heard him groan loudly as he walked over to the other side to get me up. I really do not have any idea on why he wanted me up so early. I mean I think it was really early…

"C'mon move your ass already!" Jack said taking my blanket away.

"Go away, Jack," I said putting the pillow I was lying on, on top of my face. I heard him walk over to the curtains and opening them. Wow, he really does know how to torture me.

"Get up, Gaskarth!" he said trying to grab the pillow I was gripping tightly off of my face. He was starting to get pretty annoyed.

"What the fuck could be so freakin' important at-" I said looking at the clock to see what time it was. "-eleven in the morning?" I said not really believing that it was already an hour before noon.

"My hunger! C'mon lets go!" he said and I started for the bathroom and took a quick shower before I changed in to casual clothes.

When I came out, Jack was impatiently sitting down looking at me as if I did something wrong. He sighed loudly and headed for the door. I got my keys and my phone before following him out.

"Oh, it's fine," I heard a familiar voice say as soon as I locked and shut the door. I walked over to where the elevators were and saw Jack hand in hand with the girl next door. I stood there like an idiot but regained composure when Jack smirked at me. He slung his arm around her shoulders as I walked to them.

"Alex, this is Ashley, Ashley, this is Alex." He introduced.

"Hey," I said faking the smile and all the other gestures that made it seem like I was happy with what was happening.

"Hi," she replied with the brightest smile ever made possible by a girl.

The bell rang and made a ding sound as the elevator doors opened. We all went in and I tried to hide everything in. I tried to lock it in a box and tried to keep myself calm but somehow I couldn't. My stomach had too many butterflies in them and well I couldn't think straight. Inside, I felt myself crash in to pieces and probably, I'd never be able to put myself together again just like Humpty Dumpty.

They were making some small talk at the back of the elevator while I just kept looking up to see which floor we were on. Once we were in the most bottom floor, I was the first one to get out since they were practically tongue tagging at the back. I cleared my throat to get their attention. Luckily, nobody saw them and they didn't draw any more attention. I was more or less grossed out and I wanted to run away right then and there but that would make me give her a bad impression. But if she were a different girl, then she wouldn't judge me quickly because first impressions don't make up a person's personality. That's one thing I've learned from past experiences.

"So where are we going?" Jack asked putting his arm around his waist. I stared at it for awhile before answering his question.

"I don't really know," I said looking around.

"Hmmm, did you want to go somewhere?" Jack asked Ashley and I looked at her but sadly, she wasn't looking back at me. Her eyes were focused on Jack's.

"Well, why don't we go to McDonald's I'm craving for a Big Mac," she said and my eyes popped. Never have I met any girl who's had a craving for a Big Mac.

"Let's get going then," Jack said and we started to walk to the parking lot right outside of the building.

"I'll just catch up with you guys later. I kinda have to pick up something." I said thinking of an excuse. I needed one to get away from them. I hate torturing myself especially when it comes down to senseless crap like this.

"Uh, okay then," Jack said and he walked to his car. Their hands intertwined. I couldn't look at it any longer so I rushed to my car without looking back. My stomach was churning too much. I got in the car and turned the engine on.

I thought about what would happen to me if I wouldn't get over this. What would happen to the band? Would it be a wise decision to just break the band for her? I mean I have to get things straight here. But right now, I just don't see the clear path. If I make a decision now, I don't think I can make the right one. There's too much anger in me and well, lets just say I don't want to be the heartbreaker so I'll just leave it be then.

I started to drive around taking my time as I drove to Mickey D's the long way. It gave me some time to think but the decision's not made yet. So when I arrived at the place and saw Jack's car parked right across mine, I told myself to keep it cool and try to tell myself that I never really had a chance with her. Jack probably said some things about me already and not just any kind of the things, the bad things.

"What took you so long Gaskarth?" It has only been like 30 minutes and she's already calling me by my last name? Well, I guess if you were with Jack, that'd happen too. You'd start copying him because he's too influential. One minute with him and you're an instant photo copy minus the outside looks.

"Well, I guess the traffic made me late," I told her and she shrugged. For some reason I don't think she really believed me. Did she just see right through me? How did she do that?

"Hmm, well the others are over there," she said pointing to the booth where the other three were currently sitting. I nodded and started towards them.

"What the hell did you pick up?" Jack asked as soon as I sat down next to Rian.

"Stuff," I said playing with the tissue dispenser and not really giving him much of my attention.

"Oh," was all he said and they all started talking again.

I excused myself and went to the counter to get something. They didn't really care so I didn't wait for their answer. Fortunately, there was no line to wait in so I quickly ordered a double cheese burger, large fries and root beer. I paid for it with the money I earned from last night and waited for it.

"Here you go sir," the cashier said handing me my order in a tray.

"Thanks," I said and turned around. I walked to the booth where they all were seated.

We all ate and spent most of the time in fits of laughter. I mean they spent it with real fits of laughter. Mine was synthetic and I don't think I can be myself for a while or say anything to Jack or Ashley without anger being covered by some other mood. But I'll try for as long as it makes her happy.


	3. Chapter 3

"Rian's place!" Jack exclaimed when Zack asked where we were going to go for band practice. We were still in McDonald's talking about where we were going to go but I just kept staring out the window looking at the view. It was sorta nice until I saw a couple making out on the bench under the tree. Okay now that was disturbing.

"Why my place?" Rian complained as he fed himself a spoonful of hot fudge ice cream.

"I don't know," Jack said shifting in his seat. I swear there's really something going on down there. He's been doing that quite a lot for the past hour.

I turned my head from the window to look at them and slouched in my seat with arms crossed as I saw their hands intertwine. It was as if they glued it together because it seemed perfect together and that just made me feel even queasier. Jealousy sucks a lot and I still can't get over this no matter what I try to tell myself.

"What do you think, Alex?" Zack asked noticing that I was zoning out.

"I'm down with anything," I said shrugging.

"Rian's it is then," Jack said and he got up with Ashley hand in hand. They were inseparable. I wanted to be inseparable but not just with anyone. I wanted to be with her. Why can't she just read my mind already?

I sighed to myself loudly as they left but what I didn't know was Zack was still there just staring at me with a weird look in his eyes. "What?" I asked looking up at him.

"Zoning out is so not you, man. What's up with you?" he asked putting his Dr. Phil face on. He was quite a therapist to be honest.

"It's nothing," I said trying to shrug it off but knowing Zack, he'll never change the subject until he'll get some answers out of me.

"Yea, right," he said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes on me.

"Fine, it's the girl," I said giving up. If I didn't answer him, I bet we'd be here until like 4 or so.

"Ashley?" he asked and I nodded. "Why what's with her?" he asked promptly.

"She's my next door neighbor-"

"So you're complaining about them being so loud?" he said laughing at his own statement. I squinted my eyes in anger and he stopped abruptly.

"That's a shallow reason. Come on Zack! Isn't it clear enough?" I asked angrily and he sighed.

"My friend, you can't argue with him. He saw her first-"

"Wrong, I met her last night before I went in my room. I dropped my keys by the elevator and she picked them up for me." I explained. I couldn't believe what I was saying. I was fighting for something I know I can never have. I'm so hopeless…

"That's where you're wrong," he pointed out. "Jack met her as soon as the show ended." He stated and my eyes popped.

"What?" I said surprised. Then it hit me. That's why she knew exactly who I was. That night, she asked if I was Alex Gaskarth and I told her that I was and then covered my ears expecting her to shout in my ears. I looked down defeated. It was clear enough that I lost and Jack won.

"While you were taking the longest bath in the shower, Jack was out signing and then he met her, got her number and started texting her the whole way home." Zack said and I fell silent. I shook my head in disbelief as he sighed and patted my shoulder.

"So what now Dr. Merrick?" I asked looking back up at him. I can't keep my head down forever. I can get over this…I think.

"Well, this might shock you but I can't give you answer yet," he said scratching the top of his head. He gave me a look of sympathy as I got up and left. I really didn't mean to leave like that but I couldn't control the anger that was building up inside me.

Fires were building up inside of me. I didn't want to go to band practice knowing that she'd be there but I can't just drive around. So, I drove to Rian's and parked outside but I didn't go in just yet. I saw Zack's car across the street and well I guess I took too much time but I didn't care. There was too much in my head and I had to let it out and it was a good thing that I found this place near Rian's that can kill all those fires burning me up inside.

I walked around the block and walked through the small opening in the woods. There was a place where I used to go and write my heart out but I don't think I can write anything right now. When I reached the place, I looked around and noticed how quiet it was. This place was deserted and no one was nearby so I started screaming.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SEE IT ALREADY?!?!?!" I started. "I'M HEAD OVER HEELS FOR YOU AND YOU'RE OUT WITH HIM? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I NEVER EVEN DID ANYTHING TO YOU EXCEPT TALK TO YOU AND BE NICE AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME? WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE YOU? I KNOW I KNOW I'M STUPID BUT SO ARE YOU! So are you!" I shouted and crashed in to tears at the end. I punched the tree beside me and felt better as the rage started to die down.

I don't think I've done this before. It was a first and maybe but if this is going to be a long term relationship, it might as well turn in to a habit. But that would be bad for me. Probably, if I keep this up, I'd wake up the next day without a voice and that would be bad not only for me, but for the band. I mean my voice is like my ATM machine. Without it, how can I live a life? I rolled my eyes at myself realizing how much drama is getting in to my head. I looked at the view and let the silence surround me but it wasn't really all that silent anymore, I started to hear footsteps and they were coming my way.

"Who's the lucky girl?" Ashley asked as soon as she stood right in front of me. Concern filled her eyes. Oh, if only she knew.

"How long have you been here?" I asked changing the subject.

"Long enough to hear everything you just yelled," she said sitting across me. She was leaning on the tree trunk putting her arms around her skinny legs.

"So you followed me?" I asked looking at her with so much curiosity. Why wasn't she with him?

"No, actually, I was just sitting down there," she said pointing to me where she stayed while I expressed my feelings for her. But she didn't know that, well not yet…

Apparently, she was just near me when I started screaming like crazy and that kinda hit me. That kinda hit me hard.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked her as I looked back.

"I wanted to hear something. A name at least," she said with the sweetest smile on her face. I just wish that she could be mine and see that smile on her face all the time.

"Nah, I don't give out that kind of information," I told her as I got up. I lent her a hand and she gladly took it and got up as well. Her hands were so soft and for a while there, her touch made me feel a tad bit better. But I had to let go because her hand wasn't really mine to hold. Well, not yet…


	4. Chapter 4

She walked ahead while I lagged behind. I don't think I was ready to face anyone else yet. Especially Jack and maybe Zack too. I was devastated at myself for acting this way but who can blame me for liking this wonderful girl I can't have? I shook my head and looked at the view in front of me. It was so peaceful and serene and for a while there I kinda felt bad about screaming at it minutes before. Okay, I think I'm going insane now. I quickly walked back to Rian's house without really thinking about it. I wanted to get this done already didn't I?

"Wow, I know you're usually late but an hour? Man, did you even check the clock?" Rian complained as soon as I stepped in to his house.

"Sorry," I said and he stopped in his tracks.

"What was that?" he asked with a goofy smile on his face.

"Haven't you ever heard of apologies?" I asked affronted.

"Umm, from you, no," he said taping his fingers on his chin. I rolled my eyes on him and went to the living room where everyone else was.

I sat on the seat beside the couch and looked for something to write with. I opened the drawer of the side table and immediately saw a notepad with a pen inserted in between its springs. I opened it to a new, clean page and stared at it before writing anything down. I wasn't really writing a song. It was more or less self expression in a poetic way but not necessarily something I'd make a song, it was more like a poem.

I wrote line after line after line and not really minding my surroundings but it wasn't as if they were minding me so I guess there really was no problem. After writing what seemed like a lot of lines, I re read it but I wasn't yet. I guess I stopped coz I couldn't really think of anything else.

"One look and you seem to blow me away

One smile and it brightens my day

One word and it uplifts my heart

But seeing you with him just tears me apart

My eyes have seen way more miserable things

But when I see your hands clasped tight, so much pain it brings

I can't fool myself and pretend that everything's fine

But I can't stop thinking about why you're not mine

I know that I'm stupid, an idiot but I still have a mind

One that always tells me to leave you behind

But when my mind said those words, my heart just wouldn't follow

And somehow this disagreement made me feel nothing but sorrow…"

When I read what I wrote, I thought it was cheesy and I thought it was cheap so I planned to throw it all away but then again, that would be stupid…wasting my words for nothing…

So what I did was, I placed it in my pocket and looked at what was happening. Apparently, Jack and Ashley weren't in the room anymore and Zack was staring at me sympathetically and I really did not want to know why since he knows the whole story. He shrugged at me and went to look for something. I didn't really know what he was looking for but I waited for him to come back.

When he did, there was a guitar in his hands and he handed it to me saying "You should get over her man, I think this is affecting you more than you could ever know." And with that, he handed me the guitar and did what he expected me to do. So I started strumming and eventually made a new song. Luckily, Zack was there to write down everything I sang.

[i]"Time to lay claim to the evidence  
Fingerprints sold me out  
But our footprints washed away from the docks downtown  
It's been getting late for days  
And I think myself deserving of a little time off  
We can kick it here for hours  
And just mouth off about the world  
And how we know it's going straight to hell

Pass me another bottle, honey  
The Jager's so sweet  
But if it keeps you around then I'm down

Meet me on Thames Street  
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time  
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough  
Because the tension's like a fire  
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes  
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line  
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself  
But there's room for two  
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out  
(On a night like this, a night like this)  
If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground  
(But I'm alright like this, alright like this)  
I'm gonna roll the dice before you sober up and get gone  
(I'm always in over my head)

Thames Street  
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time  
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough  
Because the tension's like a fire  
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes  
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line  
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself  
But there's room for two  
Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence  
Fingerprints sold me out  
But our footprints washed away  
I'm guilty, but I'm safe for one more day  
Overdressed and underage (what a let down)  
"Do you really need to see an ID?"  
This is embarrassing as hell (what a let down)  
But I can cover for it so well  
When we're six feet under the stars

Thames Street  
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time  
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough  
Because the tension's like a fire  
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes  
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line  
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself  
But there's room for two  
Six feet under the stars  
Six feet under the stars  
Six feet under the stars."[/i]

I sang strumming the last note.

"What was the one before 'but there's room for two' again?" he asked scratching his head with the bottom part of the pen. I rolled my eyes once again and grabbed the writing materials from him and edited the song. For some reason, the words made me think about my current situation and I don't think I've ever written about what I felt before but it was awesome and cool that I actually did it right this time because usually, whenever I do write and I have this certain kind of mood, my words mean the total opposite of what I was feeling. It was weird but then I got used to it. But this one might take a little getting used to.

"Hey, why don't we go call the rest of the band and learn that new song so we can totally surprise everyone?" Zack said getting up before I said anything more. I waited for a while and started riffing and editing the song so that it'd be perfect. Well maybe not really perfect but close to it I guess.

"What's up??" Jack said coming in all hyper. Zack and Rian followed right behind him. Apparently, Ashley wasn't here anymore but I didn't really want to know where she went because it wasn't really my business.

I started teaching them the song and then we started band practice. Without distractions this time.


	5. Chapter 5

After rehearsal, we had a show. And after that we had a party and well I didn't really care about what happened before that. You can possibly say that I was being a bum but well I didn't really care. I was supposed to be the light of this party, the person who spoke when there was an awkward silence, I was "it".

But I just can't do anything at the moment and I don't think I ever can again. But then, I got this certain force in my body that pushed me towards the bar and as I walked, an idea flashed inside my head telling me that I should party it up and get drunk. So I took shots and just drank more and more after each one and well let's just say I lost count.

"Hey there pretty boy," someone called from behind me. My vision was all blurry so I couldn't really tell who but whatever.

"Hey," I slurred as I turned around. I looked her up and down and well she was good enough I guess. So before anything else happened, I crashed my lips on her and well she wrapped her arms around my neck.

Well in this drunken state, she was a good kisser actually, she was great. I peeked through one eye and noticed that there was a second floor. [i]Why don't we take this to the next level?[/i] I thought to myself. So without further ado, we stumbled up the stairs and got in to a room. We got right down to business. Luckily I had a condom with me. I wouldn't want a baby this young. I wanna be free from anything that can hold me down. But honestly, it was one of the best nights of my life I mean, I was drunk so I don't know if I was thinking straight or not. I found it stupid but well right now, this is pathetic me, this life, everything around me. I just feel so down and lost. I'm lost without her. Like a new born puppy without its mother.

After our little party, I just lay down there with that girl who I didn't even know. She might've been a virgin, she might've had some kinda STD and well that's gross but as I lay down on that bed in nothing but my boxers, I contemplated on whether I should just leave her or actually do something new and wait 'til the morning and start something with her. I mean maybe it would work out. But it wouldn't be real. It would be just another fling to try and get her jealous but I don't even know if she liked me or not. But I guess it was worth a shot.

So I decided to wait 'til the morning. I slept for a few hours and woke up with a deadly hangover. I swear it can kill if Aspirin or Tylenol was never invented. When my eyes fluttered open I looked to my side and noticed that she wasn't there anymore and that I wasn't in my house. I was somewhere else. Did she walk out on me? I rubbed my temples and sat up slowly. I looked at the bedside table and saw that there was a piece of paper with writings on it. It looked like it was written in my handwriting so I picked it up and read the content.

It was the poem I made yesterday. The really crappy, cheesy and corny one. I rolled my eyes on it and looked at the back to see that something else was written. It was a number with a name at the side. I saved the number and filled in the other details and put my clothes on. I took the aspirin and downed it with a glass of water that was also on the bedside table. Once the painkillers kicked in, I got out of the house and in to my car. I went back to my apartment and sat on the couch as soon as I went in. Out of boredom, I called the number that I recently saved. It rang for a while but then someone picked it up.

"Hello?" A female voice who I assumed was Brittany answered.

"Umm, is this Brittany?" I asked with so much curiosity. What happens if I got the wrong number?

"Yea and this must be Alex Gaskarth." She said knowingly.

"Umm, yea I was wondering if you'd want to hang out some time." I said without even thinking straight.

"Sure, I'd love to but I'm kinda stuck in work for now so I'll call you when I can," She said. She sounded kinda sweet but honestly, I was worried. One, because I don't know what she looks like. Two, I've never really used anyone to get someone else. Three, I didn't really know much about her.

"Alright," I responded and then we both put down the phone.

I just sat there staring at the ceiling when suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. I sighed and got up not really knowing who'd be knocking at this time of day.

"Dude, open up man!" Zack said banging the door. I quickly opened it and he almost fell on top of me but it's a good thing that I had reflexes so I pushed him before he even tumbled forward.

"What's up?" I greeted him but the only thing he did in return was push me inside and shutting the door.

"Dude, you are so dead!" he panicked.

"What why?" I said scratching my head calmly. I really needed a shower.

"Oh, right you were drunk last night, I should've known." Zack said sarcastically.

"Let's cut to the chase here. Why am I so dead?" I asked him as I rolled my eyes.

"Last night, I found out that Ashley likes you." He said and I was stunned.

"What the fuck? Stop fucking with me Zack! It's not funny!" This was the hangover speaking so I'm not to be held responsible for insults or whatsoever.

"It's true man. I spoke to her when she was drunk and she told me that she fuckin wanted to be with you but then she saw you with this other girl so she started drinking until she vomited in the bathroom. "Zack said calmly and I couldn't let a word flow from my mouth. All the words I wanted to say were at the tip of my tongue but the ball in my throat didn't allow them to come out so I just stared at him with eyes wide open.

[i]So it did work…[/i] I told myself and knew from that moment on that I wasn't hopeless yet. I can win this fight and I will win it.


	6. Chapter 6

"So what are you gonna do now?" Zack asked as he ripped me out of my fantasies.

"How the hell should I know?" I said sitting on the couch and watch him roll his eyes at the words I said.

"You are so stupid," He said pushing me behind the head.

"Well I can't argue with that," I said yawning.

Zack and I just sat there looking at the clock. Well at least I was watching the second hand tick but I don't really know what he was doing so I turned my head to his direction and watched him text with his phone. Once, I got so bored, I climbed up the stairs and took a shower. I took time inside and let the water trickle down my bare body. It felt kinda relaxing and so, I just stood there doing nothing. I wonder if that's all I'll ever do. Stand around and do nothing because seriously, I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe Zack hits me in the head too hard causing it to malfunction and what not but then I thought that maybe I was just scared and terrified. I'm not really sure about what but well, I'm not really sure about a lot of things anymore. Like how I'm not sure if I should continue seeing that Brittany girl or just tell Ashley the truth. God, this is hard. It's harder than a Trigonometry exam and I haven't had that in a really long time.

I sighed to myself as soon as I finished my bath although, I really didn't want to get out of the shower. I wiped myself with a towel and changed into a band shirt and some skinny jeans. I wore a leather bracelet on my left wrist and fixed my hair. I spritzed some perfume all over my body and went down the stairs to see that Zack was waiting on the bottom step.

"Finally!" Zack exclaimed as soon as I reached the bottom step.

"C'mon man, cut me some slack will ya?" I said hitting him lightly on the chest.

"Whatever," he said and we both went out the door. "Rian's place," he said and then he got in the elevator and shut it before I got in. I felt around my jeans for my keys only noticing that they were still inside the apartment so I walked towards my door.

"Alex?" Ashley said when she went out her door.

"Hey," I said sounding neutral. I pretended as if everything was okay and I was always good at that I mean I haven't heard any complaints. But when I looked at her, she seemed really tired and that well something told that she'd been crying but I didn't want to tell her all that now did I?

"You going to Rian's today?" she asked sweetly with the most perfect voice I've ever heard.

"Uh yea," I said feeling stupid for saying "Uh" before "yea".

"Um, is it okay if you took me there? Jack said that he might be late and to ask you and-"

"Sure no problem," I said casually. "Let me just get my keys first," I said and she nodded. She waited outside my door and I quickly grabbed my phone, wallet and my keys. I placed them in my pocket before locking the apartment.

"Let's go?" She asked me and with that tone in her voice, I sensed that somehow, she was feeling kinda down. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to ask her so I just nodded and we both headed down the elevator in silence.

Once we got to the parking lot and in to my car, I placed the key in the ignition and started the engine then, I turned on the radio and turned it down low and started to back away from the space I was parked in and on to the open road.

"So what's up with you today? You seem kinda down," I said starting a conversation. The silence was too awkward for me to handle.

"Umm, nothing," she lied. Well I was able to tell that from the tone of her voice since well it kinda went high and usually, like those people on TV, whenever that happens, they're not usually telling the truth and I know that stuff on television aren't really true but somehow, I kinda believe in the voice thing. Weird, I know.

"That can't be nothing," I said softly hoping that she wouldn't get angry. I mean she got drunk last night as well, I mean that's what Zack said and usually, in the morning, that's when a hangover develops and turns your day upside down. Well maybe that's why she was feeling all down now but I think there's something else that's bothering her.

"Okay, I can't do this anymore," she said shifting in her seat. She turned to face me but I kept my eyes on the road. "I have to tell you this before you get it out of anyone else's mouth. Look, honestly, I don't really know how to say this but I never really liked Jack okay?" she paused and I glanced at her with confusion and then back to the road. "And Jack and I, well we're just doing this to make you jealous and well that's not really working but to tell you the truth, I like you. I really do and Jack always told me that you liked me back but when I saw you with that other girl last night well, I just thought that maybe it was impossible for you to like me too. Now, I never really wanted to make the first move but in this case, I just don't care anymore because I can't handle all these things that keep popping up unexpectedly and frankly, I think it has been ruining my so called life and I just don't want that anymore. So tell me something I don't know. Do you like me as well?" She asked and I stayed silent. I mean that question caught me off guard so I guess silence was kinda expected.

"Well, since we're all being honest here," I started after a few seconds. "I just wanted you to know that your plan or that thing you and Jack had, well that sorta, kinda worked and that you should've just told me because seriously, I have liked you ever since that day I got back from the show. I never really expected you guys to be together and it was a surprise to me that you were with Jack and well I kinda got jealous," I said and she smirked. I kinda felt embarrassed but I wasn't done yet. "And that night, well I was wasted and usually that kinda shit happens and I'm not usually responsible for my actions since I drink way too much and I know it's stupid but if you give a chance, I'll change and become a better person." I said and I almost heard her smile. I wanted to look away from the road for a while but I didn't want a crash so I just heard her shift in her place and look at the road before us with a smile on her face. What a twist of fate.


	7. Chapter 7

This time, I felt lighter. It was as if the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders and it was like nothing was able to stop me and I was happy. Ecstatic would probably be a better word but I don't want to jinx myself so I tried to stay calm. Once we arrived at Dawson's, she told me she had to go talk to Jack and of course, I let her since they were still in their "relationship". I think today might've been the best day of my life well until my phone started ringing and Brittany was on the other line. So I picked it up and stayed in the front porch away from anyone else.

"Hello?" I said as I picked it up.

"Hey Gaskarth," she said sounding really cheerful. I really didn't want to do this but I guess it was the only way.

"Uh, Brit?" I started and didn't wait for a reply. "I don't think I want you to call me anymore."

"What?" she said sounding kinda furious.

"Well, you heard what I said right?" I asked her sarcastically. I wasn't in the best mood to deal with this.

"Psh, that's just the hangover talking." She laughed and I stayed silent. I slapped my hand on my forehead and dragged it down to the rest of my face. No smile here.

"It's not the fuckin' hangover now shut up and put down the phone and don't ever call me again!" I said and that was sorta unnecessary and I don't think I handled that well but it was a good think that no one heard me.

She started sobbing on the spot calling my name trying to get me to change my mind and I hate clingy girls. They're just too overdramatic. I hung up and put my phone on silent. If ever she calls again, no one had to know. I placed it in my pocket and proceeded inside the house.

"Yo, dude!" Jack said as soon as I entered the premises.

"Hey," I replied and he gave me a wink. I rolled my eyes and looked around spotting Ashley in the kitchen making a sandwich. I started towards her and smiled as soon as she looked up to see who was coming.

"What'cha making?" I asked in a sing song kinda voice.

"A peanut butter sandwich." She said holding it up to show me. My mouth gaped open. I love peanut butter. "Want some?" she offered.

"Yup," I said in the most cheerful voice. It had been such a long time since I've felt like this and truthfully, it felt new. It was as if this was the first time I was truly happy in life and the reason behind it was Ashley and well, let's just say things just can't get any better.

She handed me my sandwich and we both started eating it and shed some laughs every now and then. Honestly, I think this counted as date number 1.

"Gaskarth! Get your butt down here!" Rian said from somewhere near the basement. I ate the rest of my sandwich before hopping off the chair I was sitting on. I lent her a hand which she gladly took and got a bottle of water before going down the stairs to where all the other three were.

"Shall we?" Zack said getting up and taking his bass guitar. I guess they must've waited for a really long time because they started to get impatient a lot but not Jack. He was still his normal self. Happy, goofy and whatever that makes him Jack.

Band practice was slow today but well I didn't care because I stared at Ashley the whole time. She stared right back at me and nothing mattered after that. I wondered about what I can do with her and how our relationship might turn out to be the best one I've ever had. There were too many things to think about that I fumbled with the lyrics a couple of times while we were practicing. That's why we practiced for about 3 hours just to get everything right. I mean the rest of the band sounded awesome and I just messed it up for them but right now, I wasn't in the right mind to actually care. This was all too good to be true but that doesn't mean that I didn't believe in the now. I mean I'm glad this is all happening it's just that it's almost fiction. It was a story book ending and I can't believe that I was Prince Charming. I just hope there are no more twists and turns on this road we're on.

"You were great up there," she said as soon as we were finally done. It was about 4 in the afternoon and I had no idea how I got through the day without having a decent lunch.

"Thanks," I said leaning in but she pushed me away gently with a nervous smile. She blushed before she mouthed "not here". I nodded and looked around. No one was looking. I just shrugged it off and started another conversation. "Wanna go out tonight?" I asked her softly.

"Umm, yea sure," she said kinda unsure at first but then she showed me a smile that told me that everything would be alright. Or so I thought.

She smiled at me before walking over to where Jack was. They seemed really comfortable with each other. If you didn't know them, you'd think they were a real couple but Ashley told me the whole truth so I don't think there was anything between them. I looked at Zack and wanted to talk to him but he just shook his head disapprovingly and walked over to Rian who was setting up Rockband.

I wondered about what I did wrong. I mean why did Zack look at me like that? Maybe he didn't know about the whole plan Ashley and Jack made I mean if he did, then why'd he crash at my place before coming here to Rian's? I shrugged all my thoughts off and just sat on the couch writing with my iPod plugged in to my ears. I was writing about how I felt. I felt weightless and I knew that that would be enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, weeks passed and we've started to go out a lot. More or less every night, it's either her place or mine but we can crash whenever we want to so that's not much of a big deal since our apartments were right beside each other. I don't think anyone knows about Ashley and I since we promised each other that we'd hold our relationship a secret. I don't really know why she wanted it to be that way but if it makes her happy then what the hell. But one thing that has changed over the past few days was the way Jack acted towards me. He hardly spoke to me anymore even when I tried to make a conversation with him. The band was starting to get a little messed up and I didn't know if anyone knew about it exactly but I'm hoping that no one will because if the truth spreads like butter on bread, then probably the band will go down in history and never to be spoken of again. Well I guess that's an exaggerated fact but well we have to be ready right? We never know what'll come our way so we might as well be prepared to face anything and everything.

That morning when I woke up on my bed alone since Ashley said she made plans with a friend, I thought about the way Jack was acting towards me. I mean we used to be best buddies and we used to talk, laugh and do a whole lot of other things with each other but now, I get the silent treatment. We had no shows this week or for the next few weeks so there was really no need for practice but I wanted to ask him what the hell I was doing wrong because I swear to God, I don't know a thing. Clueless is the right word for my state of mind right now. So with all that, I got up and called him using my cellphone.

It led me straight to voice mail and well that was sorta expected since well it was only 10 in the morning. "This is Jack Barakat and well I'm not here right now so leave me tons of love." He said and there was a beep.

"Hey Jack, I uh… well I wanna talk so when you get your ass out of bed give me a call…" I said and put down the phone. Once I was through with that phone call, I went to the kitchen and got some breakfast. Poptarts seemed like a good idea so I popped three in the oven and waited for it to be good enough to eat.

Once the ding sound was heard, I quickly took it out of the oven without any gloves or protection which was really dumb of me but well at least I got to have a treat that took away the pain. It was tasty to say the least even if it was months old. I washed all the things I used and headed to the bathroom to get a shower. Bath time didn't take as long as usual since I was waiting for Jack to get up and give me a call. I changed in to some clothes and went over to check on my phone. So far, nothing but then after a few seconds, it started to ring. It was Jack and well it was a miracle that he woke up this early.

"What do you want from me?" He asked as soon as I picked up the phone.

"I just wanted to talk." I said casually. From what I heard, his voice didn't have that I-just-woke-up kinda vibe so I guess he was up bright and early bit another thing that I observed was that it sounded pretty demanding and angry. Probably he was cranky? He wasn't always a morning person but well he didn't just get up right?

"About?" he demanded and I heard him tapping his fingers against some hard material which I couldn't really make out.

"Why you're so fucking angry at me," I said without an emotion. God, I feel like a robot today.

"Well first of-" he said then he paused,"look can we do this personally? Phone calls are too shallow for this." He said with a less angry tone. Back to the tone of his normal voice. Probably he was just joking with me? Maybe, maybe not.

"Okay then, where shall we settle all this?" I asked him as I sat on the couch.

"I'll be there in a minute," he said and then he hung up. I looked at my phone not really believing that he could do such a thing but maybe I just underestimate him too much but well who doesn't?

I started to think about when he would get here but when the first thought came in to mind, there was a knock on my door. That was kinda quick. I got up off the couch and opened the door looking at Jack with nothing but his boxers and a shirt on. His attire made me kinda suspicious but I wasn't here to talk about that.

"Okay so shall we start?" I asked him as I let him in.

"Whatever," he said as he sat on the couch. I sat on the coffee table that was in front of him and waited for him to speak.

"I want you away from her," he said crossing his arms over his chest and looking straight in to my eyes. There was no sign of being funny there. He gave me a sharp look and a death glare mixed in one.

"Away from who exactly?" I asked him just to be sure he wasn't really referring to who I thought it was.

"Ashley you dumbass!" He exclaimed throwing his hands up for more expression.

"Why?" I asked. Wow, I was asking a lot of questions today.

"Because she's mine you asshole!" Jack said getting up and pacing back and forth.

"Jack, I already know about the plan-"

"What plan?" He said cutting me off in so much frustration. My face scrunched up in wonder as I let a statement.

"The one that you guys made to make me jealous," I said getting up as well.

"There was no fucking plan!" He said walking towards me and looking me in the eye.

"What do you mean?" I said calmly.

"I mean what I said. There was no plan!" he said and then heaved a very heavy sigh. He rubbed his temples and sat back down on the couch that was just behind him.

"So you mean-" I started but then stopped as soon as an idea popped in to my head. "No shit! You're kidding me right? You actually love her? Man, you are so messed up!" I said and he looked at me with nothing but anger and confusion filling his eyes.

"Of course I love her! What did you think of me? I'm not like you Alex, I treat people with respect!" he said and that just blew me off right there.

"Jack, just admit you made a plan but you can't fucking go with it because in the middle of everything, you actually fell in love with her." I said trying to stay as calm as possible leaving only a hint of anger in my tone.

"What the fuck are you talking about? There was no plan!" he said as he got back up once more.

"That's a lie and you know it!" I said pointing a finger at him.

"Dude, I swear there was no plan and you don't just go stealing people's girlfriends away especially when that person is your friend!" he said pushing the finger I pointed at him away.

"Dude, you are a sick bastard who can't admit to anything! You made a plan and that's that!" I said stepping back before this gets any worse. I didn't want to strike a punch.

"Shut the fuck up! You have no idea what you're talking about and because you don't believe me or anything I try to say then I'm out!" he said walking towards the door.

"Yea, that's right, get outta here!" I said and he slammed the door hard.

I sat on the couch and thought about everything that just happened but there was no way I could process all this in this short amount of time. This was a shitty moment. I didn't want to break a relationship that was once special to me but it wasn't my fault. The drift was all his fault, not mine.


	9. Chapter 9

With so much ego and pride, I heaved a sighed and thought about the band and what the hell would happen if ever this goes on like this. I mean if we were in a band, we should act like a family and not fight over some girl. I never thought this would happen and I can't believe that Jack wasn't going with the plan but hey, I don't blame him for falling in love with her. She's a really pretty girl but truth is she's not his property, she's mine. I thought about how I was going to go about the whole situation but all that kept popping up in my mind was win her over and forget about Jack. That was a bad idea and a pretty shallow reason for the band to be drifting apart so maybe I should just let go of her. Maybe she's right where she needs to be for now. She's supposed to be with Jack and when he's done with her, she'll come crawling back to me. But I don't want to look at it that way. I don't want to reuse and recycle. That seems lame.

Sitting here didn't really help me feel better so I got up and got my phone and keys, went out the door and down the elevator. I didn't want to stay anywhere near the loving couple and I sure as hell don't want to see them walk out of the door together. This was just too much to take in. You know what? Maybe Jack was right and Ashley was just a manipulative bitch. I mean maybe there really was no plan and she just made me think that way for some reason I don't know about. Maybe the fight with Jack was unnecessary. If I should be mad at anyone, I should really be mad at her for trying to break Jack and I apart. Okay, that just sounded weird in lots of wrong ways but I'm not gay. I swear.

Once I got in my car, I revved up the engine and just drove down the road not really knowing where I was supposed to go. So I just drove around and around. I kept thinking about what I was supposed to do and then it hit me but I don't think the idea was a good one. I mean it might end up badly but hey, I like taking risks. I went over to the mall and got my game face on. I had to get over her and if this means that I had to treat her like shit then maybe this is a good idea. I walked in to Starbucks and got myself a mocha frappe. This seemed like a good place to be in. I mean a lot of people come here and maybe this is where everything turns around. I looked around once, twice, three times, okay, maybe more than that before I landed on a very attractive face. She seemed to be lonely so I got up and walked over to her table.

"Hey uh, is this seat taken?" I asked awkwardly as she looked up at me and shook her head. I sat on the chair across her and started a light conversation.

"So what's your name?" I asked as I took a sip from my frappe.

"Umm, my name's Violet." She said with this weird look on her face. I studied her face some more and then realized who exactly I was talking to.

"Wait, ninth grade Violet?" I asked hoping I wasn't making a fool of myself by asking if she was someone I already knew.

"Yea, glad you remember, Alex." She said with her hand out. I took it and shook it and then let go. She had the softest touch and well maybe, just maybe, this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"So how've you been all these years?" I asked catching up. To be honest, I'd had a secret crush on this exquisite and sweet girl before. She was the average type of girl who didn't really stand out but I saw her and I saw that she wasn't really the type of girl who had a clique and a really big group of friends. She just used to hang with one or two people but during graduation, the got into a big fight and well I don't know what happened after that.

"I've been better I guess," she said with a cute smile.

"So, you uh wanna hang some time?" I asked feeling awkward about the whole situation. I think she didn't want me here talking to her but if she didn't then why was she replying? I mean I know she's kinda and all but today she felt so down and I don't think I've ever seen her like this before.

"Just one question before I answer yours," she said and I nodded for her to continue. "Why are you here talking to me? I mean after all those years of high school. I mean I'm just confused and shocked at the same time so can you just tell me why you're here exactly?"

"Well, I just thought you were someone I knew and it turns out I was right and well to be honest-"here we go again, "-I've had a huge crush on you since high school and I really do not know why I didn't make the first move and since we're here, maybe fate brought us back together and I just wanted to give this a shot because you never know what might happen exactly." I said hoping she didn't think I was a lunatic.

She smiled and looked down at the table. "Well I never expected that," she said and for a second there, she flushed and her cheeks flamed. I smiled at that and once she cooled down, she looked up at me. "You're sweet," she said and I nodded with a big smile on my face. This is going well I think…


	10. Chapter 10

We started catching up and learning new things about each other. I told her about the band and she told me about her new job at this radio station and well it all fell in to place. The getting-the-girl-and-making-Ashley-jealous thing I mean. But one thing that I've noticed while I was talking to her was that I was looking straight in to her brown eyes. I mean I've never ever done that with anyone before. It was something new. And well maybe this wasn't just a plan. Maybe this was a path to a new beginning. One I have to take to make all those bad decisions go away and well I'm starting to enjoy it myself I mean I haven't really thought about Ashley today. I never really think about her that much anyway.

We spent around 2 hours talking our mouths off. I didn't really notice time slipped so fast I mean I rarely lose track of time but this is absurd it's like not seeing your watch that has been ticking on your left wrist for a really long time but with her I can just get lost and not actually want to go back. It's like she locks me up in a box and waits for me to realize that I'm in too deep and that I have to get out before it's too late. But it's never too late with her. For all I care, I could me in that box for all eternity and never want to come out even if I had to pee.

"So you're on a day off today?" I asked her after a few laughs and giggles.

"Umm, yea," she said and I just smiled. "What?" She asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Nothing," I said not really helping her get rid of the awkwardness as a smile kept creeping up my face. She made me do that. She didn't fail to make me smile. It was weird but that was that.

"I see," she said. "So when's your next show?" she asked me. For some reason she was on "business" here and not really on friendship or maybe something more than that.

"Trying to impress the boss?" I asked her and she smiled.

"I'm trying to get a raise," she said playing with the tissue dispenser on the table.

"Then why didn't you just ask me to play an acoustic set for our new album?" I said trying to impress her. She smiled brightly and shifted in her seat.

"When can you-"

"Anytime," I said cutting her off and she quickly dialed on her phone. I guess she was calling her boss.

"Excuse me," she said just above a whisper. I nodded and she stood up and made her back face me as she made her call.

I watched her closely as she shut her phone and sat back down she wore a gleaming smile on her face and said "Thank you so much, Alex."

"Sure, Vi," I said giving her a nickname. Violet was too long.

"Can you make it at 3 P.M. tomorrow?" she asked ever so sweetly.

"Are you gonna be hosting it?" I asked and she nodded. "Then yea, why not?" I said and she jolted with so much happiness. She stood up and gave me a hug. I stood up as well so as not to give her a hard time. Her body felt warm against mine and that feeling was as heavenly and real as possible. I never wanted to let her go but standing still like that would have made it awkward. So once she loosened her grip, I loosened mine and we both sat back down.

"You do not know how much you've actually done for me," she said with so much enthusiasm.

I smiled at her. "I'm just trying to help," I said and suddenly her phone started ringing.

"I'm so sorry, it's my mom," she said.

"It's okay, go pick it up." I said and she held up a finger that motioned me to wait and she went to do what I said.

As I tried to logically think about what happened, I realized that she didn't really see me as more than a friend but all that was about to change once I show her exactly why I helped her. It wasn't because I wanted to make someone jealous and it wasn't because I wanted to just show her some kindness, it was truly because I wanted her to be mine. Clearly, I still had feelings for her but who wouldn't fall for her dark raven hair and hazel brown eyes?

"I'm really sorry but I kinda have to go," she said as she started to grab her bag.

"Wait, can I have your number first?" I asked and she smiled at me. I handed her my phone and she typed it in with her delicate fingers. She gave it back to me with a small peck on the cheek and then she rushed out the door.

I stroked my cheek for a moment not really thinking that what just happened was real. I looked down at my phone and saved her number and put in more details. I smiled at my phone and then headed out the door. I was looking around to see if she was anywhere inside the mall but probably she had already left. So I headed out the exit and walked down the street towards the parking lot with my head held high. Once I got into my car, I started the engine and turned on the AC. But I didn't back away just yet. I had to think about what I would do exactly tomorrow. Since I only said I'd play an acoustic set, I contacted Zack and waited for him to pick up.

It rang thrice before he answered it. "What the hell do you want Alex?" he asked with a cranky/sleepy kinda voice.

"Acoustic set tomorrow at 3," I said and he groaned.

"Fine," he said and then he yawned. "Are Jack and Rian gonna be there too?" he asked.

"We don't really need them. It's an acoustic set remember?" I said and then he smirked.

"But they have the right to know," he said and I sighed.

"Fine, I tell Rian and you tell Jack," I said and he gave a bitter laugh.

"Whatever dude," he said and then hung up. I shook my head and backed away.

I was heading no where for a large amount of time and when the clock hit 4:00, I knew that I had to start practicing for tomorrow's set. So I went and drove my ass back to my apartment. I called Rian while I went up and told him about the set.

"Do I need to be there?" he asked and honestly I didn't know what I should tell him.

"I don't know. If you want to, you can come," I said walking out the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

"Uh, okay. See you tomorrow then. Wait where exactly are we seeing each other?" he asked and luckily I knew enough about where Violet worked.

I gave him directions and told him everything he needed to know as I walked in to my apartment. I placed my keys on the coffee table in front of the couch and made my way to the kitchen. Once Rian knew where it was exactly, I hung up my phone and opened the fridge. I was really hungry so I grabbed some leftover pizza from how many days ago and heated it for a while in the microwave and told myself again and again that things are gonna be fine…


	11. Chapter 11

It was about 2:50 P.M. already and I was still stuck in traffic. I was driving to WTMD 89.7 where Violet worked. I was pretty stoked about the set and at the same time nervous. I wasn't only nervous about the set. I was nervous about the people who might be there. I don't think I can sing well with Ashley and Jack making out in one side of the place. Those two PDA a lot. I haven't really seen it for myself, people just say that a lot. But right now, I don't give a shit about their relationship which in my opinion was quite relieving. I wasn't expecting to be this carefree but hey, who am I to argue about what I'm supposed to be feeling? She's a whore. Nothing more, nothing less. That might be a mean way to phrase what she is but she deserves it for trying to hurt Jack. I know saying that makes me a hypocrite but once Jack and I see each other, I mean if we see each other, I'm ready to apologize no matter what the cost. I'm not sure if he was willing to forgive me but at least I said sorry.

I parked my car in their wide parking lot and made my way inside. It was about 3:05 P.M. already and anyone who knows me would definitely be aware that I'm not really a punctual person. I prefer to fashionably late. Well maybe not fashionably, it's just that I don't want to be the early bird or the first one there because it would be awkward being in a place for the first time with no one you know around. Well maybe Violet would be there but she'd be busy so I guess being late isn't really a bad idea.

"You're late," Violet greeted with a smile as soon as I entered the lobby.

"I know," I said scratching the back of my head.

Zack and Rian were already inside the room that Violet led me to waiting for my arrival. Apparently, Jack wasn't here.

"Jack's not coming?" I asked them as soon as I was in hearing distance.

"Weirdly, he didn't want to. You wanna tell me why?" Zack said getting up all angry.

"Hey, don't get all worked up on me. Ask his whore," I said bitterly getting a glare from both Rian and Zack.

"What?" Rian said angrily.

"Uh, I'm really sorry to interrupt this really tense conversation but you guys have to start sound check. We moved the set and it starts at 3:30 now so I suggest you guys should start warming up," Violet interrupted hesitantly.

"Fine, but we're not done yet, Gaskarth." Zack said before getting up and grabbing an acoustic guitar from the room filled with instruments.

Rian shot me one more glare before getting up and sitting on the beat box at the side. He tapped it a couple of times and started a beat. "Which song are we playing?"

"Six Feet Under the Stars," I said and they both looked at me as if I were crazy.

"Are you out of your mind?" Zack suddenly said.

"No," I said looking at him innocently.

"Any bright ideas on how to turn that in to an acoustic?" he asked sarcastically.

"Actually, yea, I do," I said and he raised an eyebrow.

I pushed away his cockiness and made myself more patient. I didn't want any more fights with the band so I taught him with no signs of bitterness or anger in my action.

It took about 20 minutes to do what I had to for him to understand everything I meant. I asked him to play it one more time and well it was perfect. Rian made a beat and we were all set.

"You guys ready?" Violet asked when she came back in to the room.

"All set," I said cheerfully getting weird looks from Zack who was sitting right in front of me.

"Let's get this show on the road then," She said getting out of the room.

We all moved right in front of the microphones the roadie assigned us to and then we were all set.

"So now, the moment you've all been waiting for, please welcome, All Time Low." Violet introduced and the first few chords I taught Zack were being played.

I sang my heart out with not vocal warm up since I was too busy teaching Zack. He was being hesitant and hard-headed so I guess this just had to be the outcome. But I didn't sound bad at all. I mean I've sounded worse in other shows without vocalizing and this wasn't even close to bad and I'm just being honest here not boastful. As I sang each word, I remembered exactly why I wrote it and then got mad at myself for the reason. I'm over her and she's out of my life. I hate her and that's that so if anyone asks, I'd tell them it was all a random thought and it was inspired by boredom. I mean I was just trying to be creative. That's a good enough reason right? Well for me, it kinda was and I just might stick to that.

I made the time pass with every word that came out of my mouth and once the last chord was strummed, I felt good about myself. I felt good knowing that I've finally moved on. I never really needed her in my life after all. I never really thought I'd move on this quick but well it doesn't really surprise me that much I mean I've been through worse situations and this didn't even match it. To tell you the truth, I only made it seem hard for some unknown reason.

"That was a great song," Violet said as soon as I went out of the room. Apparently her shift was over as well. Meaning, I could hang with her.

"Thank you," I said with a gleaming smile on my face. "Wanna hang?" I asked as I slung my arm over her shoulders.

"Sure," she said looking up at me and we went out of the building.

We both entered my car and drove away from where she worked.

"Any place in mind?" I asked her and she focused her attention on me. Man, was she gorgeous.

"Surprise me," she said with a sly smile. I smiled back and drove down the street with only one place in mind. And no, it wasn't my apartment.

I drove her down to the park for a walk. It seemed like a fine weather for an activity like that and plus, it's only four in the afternoon so there's no where better to hang around. Once I parked my car, I opened her door for her and then lent her a hand. I held her hand as we walked around and around. Luckily, she didn't really do anything about it. She just let it be. She was smiling the whole time we were together which was a good thing. I loved the way she smiled. It wasn't perfect but it was special because I know that only she knows how to smile in that way. A way that somehow intrigues me and makes me want to see it all the time. We sat on a bench under a maple tree. There wasn't much sun but it was the only seat left so why not take it?

I asked her about her day and listened to her as she explained every single detail. Our hands were still intertwined as she spoke and I've never felt more comfortable in my life. I never wanted this day to end. It seemed too good to be true. Unreal.


	12. Chapter 12

2 MONTHS LATER

Time passed quite fast these past couple of months and since that day at the park, Violet and I became exclusive. We were a couple and I couldn't have been any happier with anyone else. The band hasn't played in about a month and so Jack and I never really talked anymore. We did have this one show about a month ago but Jack totally gave me the silent treatment and talked only to Ashley, Rian and Zack. I felt like an outcast but luckily, they had no plans on kicking me out. I don't think Jack knows about Violet since now, he hardly cares anymore about what I do or who I go out with or what I'm up to. It's not that I'm expecting him to but we hardly hang out anymore as well. As time passed, the tension between all the other members except Jack vanished in to thin air and I was quite happy knowing that I can still act normal towards everyone. Well, maybe not everyone since Jack is definitely another story but life goes on no matter what you do. But I just hope it can be the same with him and me again. This sentimental crap might seem gay but I'd hate to lose a really close friend of mine so if you think I'm stupid then so be it because he's an important human being to me. He's like my own brother and I'd hate to lose him.

Today, we had a show. Actually it was the kick off show for our headlining tour. We were going to be stuck in a bus for about 3 months or so and I'm stoked and ready to face Jack and tell him everything he needs to know. I think I've changed a lot. I mean Violet made me this whole new person that even I can't recognize. She taught me how to actually be a lot more patient and forgiving and all those other things. But those little things make me realize what kind of a jerk I've been to Jack. You might think though that it's not my fault because of the Ashley thing but that plan thing is better forgotten. I mean I really don't want to bring it up anymore so if ever Ashley is coming, I'll stay away from her no matter what happens. I'll stop myself and tell myself that I'm over her because well, I am. And if ever she throws herself at me, I'd push her away even if it hurts her. I know I might sound crazy for actually thinking like this but you never know.

I packed my bags last night so I didn't have to do it early in the morning. I bid Violet goodbye last night as well so that we could spend our last night before the tour just talking on the phone until one of us had to sleep. Her voice in my ear sounded so perfect and I can't believe I'm actually planning to leave for about 3 months. I know long distance relationships don't usually work but with her, it's worth a shot.

Once I woke up the next morning, the guys were already downstairs in the lobby so I took a bath with no rush since it was going to be hard to keep myself clean while we're on the road. I took my time in the shower and took more time changing in to black jeans and this plaid polo I don't usually wear. I placed on leather bracelets and placed my phone in my pocket and my keys in the back pocket of my backpack. I had more things to carry but I didn't really have a hard time out the door and down the elevator. When I got there 4 pairs of eyes stared at me with clear anger and impatience.

"What took you so long?" Rian asked playing with his drum sticks.

"I don't know," I said and they all got up.

I placed my stuff under my bunk and went to the back of the bus to just chill on the couch. Zack was whispering things in to Jack's ear and obviously they were talking about me since Jack was staring me down. Jack sighed before he started towards me. Zack crossed his arms on his chest as he watched the scene that was right in front of him. From the look on Jack's face, I can tell that he was hesitant and that he was forced to talk to me but I guess this is a start. I mean at least we're about to talk again.

"Hey," he said a bit too gloomily. He heaved an exasperated sigh before sitting beside me on the couch.

"What's up?" I asked him as I shifted in my seat. I sat near the edge and brought my feet up and sat in an Indian way so that I could face him.

He seemed kinda awkward but I felt kinda normal. It seemed like another ordinary conversation between us but well he seemed pretty down in the dumps. "I'm really sorry," he said looking at the floor as he spoke.

I cocked an eyebrow before I said anything and turned to look at Zack. He just shrugged at me and I looked back at Jack. "What for?"

"For all the things I didn't do…" he said trailing off.

"I don't get it," I said scratching the back of my head.

"Well, I'm sorry and that's that, okay? It's really hard to voice out these thoughts in my head so let's just leave it at that okay?" he said looking up at me with that goofy look on his face. My expression softened as I nodded.

He smiled back at me before putting his hand out for me to shake. "So are we good?" he asked me.

"Hell yea," I said excitedly and all was forgotten. Although I was quite curious about whatever it was that was on his mind.

We started playing video games as we made our way to the first venue. Zack joined us shortly after the first few games of Killzone 2 on PS3. It was all good again after that. Rian was snoring away in his bunk and as for Ashley, I'm guessing in Jack's bunk getting some shut eye as well.

I can tell from this moment on that nothing can practically get any worse. I'm confident of that but somehow, my conscious tells me that I spoke too soon.


	13. Chapter 13

After a few rounds off gun fire and bloody war grounds, I decided to get in to my bunk and get some sleep. It was about 7 PM right now and I ate dinner early so there was nothing else I had to do but rest for tomorrow. But before I actually slept, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Violet's number. It rang about three times before she picked it up.

"Hey," she greeted as she picked up. Her voice made me feel comfortable and nice. It was quite soothing to hear a voice as perfect as that.

"Hi," I said just about a whisper. I didn't want anyone to hear about our conversation so I guess whispering is the only way to go about it.

"What's up?" she asked inquisitively. Her curiosity made my spine tingle. I know it might sound cheesy but maybe I'm just too in love with this girl.

"Oh, nothing, I just missed you so much." I said and for a minute there I thought I heard her smile.

"Well, I miss you too." She said sweetly.

We talked for about an hour or so about ourselves and how we'll be able to get through our long distance relationship without having any difficulty and as of now, nothing seems to be hard. I mean it's all quite manageable and I bet I can prevent myself from looking at other girls with one thing in mind. I know I can do this and I know it'll all work out well. Challenges like these are nothing. But if you asked me to actually look at another girl and pick her up when I'm in a relationship, then I think we might have a problem there. I mean I've done it several times before with not-so-serious relationships but with Violet, I said it before and I'll say it again, she's different and it's hard not to feel guilty for even talking to a girl who I find attractive and who I want to spend the night with. That's why I restrain myself from those kinds of situations and so far it isn't that hard.

"Hey, I kinda have to go, long day tomorrow." She said in quite a rush.

"Sure, I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said calmly.

"Okay, bye." She said

"I love you," I stated before she put down the phone.

She was silent for a while but then she replied. "I love you too."

She placed down the phone and for some reason that kinda worried me. I know I might be over reacting I mean what if I was really keeping her up. I shrugged it off and put my phone on silent. I charged it at the side and then went to bed.

I shut my eyes and looked forward to the next day knowing it was all going to be just fine. Well maybe even awesome but maybe I'll just settle for fine so I won't jinx it.

Twelve hours of sleep later, I woke up to the sound of Rian screaming in my ear. "Wake up, Gaskarth!" he said and I practically jumped to consciousness.

"What'd you do that for?" I groaned.

"We're here already and we need to start sound check." He said and then left. I rolled my eyes at him and went to the comfort room. I needed to take a squirt from all the bottles of water I had to down last night. Right, I forgot to mention. While we were playing Killzone, there was a consequence to whoever lost the round. The loser had to drink one bottle of water for every game he lost. Jack suggested milk but I remember the last time I actually had to drink about a whole gallon. Not a memory worth sharing but to summarize it all, it was bad.

After I peed, I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. I went out of the restroom for a while to get my clothes and when I decided which ones I wanted to wear, I brought it to the comfort room so I could change in private. I didn't want to take a shower since I knew that the water was cold so I just sprayed on deodorant and perfume to get rid of any foul smell I might have accumulated through sleep.

"C'mon, Barbie, let's get going!" Jack exclaimed from outside the bathroom. I wondered why he used Barbie though. It's weird but that's just the way Jack is I guess.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I said looking at the mirror and fixing my hair before getting out.

"You really need to start speeding up." Jack said as he walked towards the door leading to the outside world.

"Whatever," I muttered heading to the kitchen to get a Monster before heading out.

"How was your sleep, sleeping beauty?" Zack asked as soon as I stood before the stage.

What was their problem today? I didn't remember doing anything stupid last night seeing that water doesn't get you intoxicated.

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"You were snoring like hell last night. I hardly slept." Zack said yawning and proving his point.

"Well, I'm sorry then," I said awkwardly.

"Whatever," he said and started tuning his bass.

I finished my energy drink before getting up the stage. I grabbed an electric guitar and started tuning it. We played several songs before getting something to eat for lunch. Show time was at around 2PM so we had at least 2 hours before we get on stage. Someone had to do my hair before I could freely walk around. Today was sorta busy but at least I got to meet some old friends and make new ones.

I was just walking in between buses when suddenly, I saw a couple making out in between two buses. The girl somehow looked a lot like actually and the guy, I don't think I've seen him at all. Once they inched apart, and the girl opened her eyes, I was 100% sure that it was Ashley. I ran behind one bus and tried to hide myself so that I won't be seen.

How was I going to tell all this to Jack? Was I supposed to keep this all to myself and wait for her to tell him-which I'm sure is not really going to happen. Or was I supposed to just blurt it all out? I hardly knew what was right anymore so I just walked away from the scene and went backstage to warm my vocals up. So many things were running around my head and I don't know if I was supposed to go look for a consult or id I was supposed to just process it. But all I did know was that I didn't want to get anyone hurt so I might as well keep my mouth shut since it really wasn't my business.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey dude," Jack greeted once I got in the bus.

It had been about three days since I saw Ashley making out with this guy and yet she's still here sitting right beside Jack as if she was as innocent as she looked right about now.

"Uh, hey," I said walking to the back of the bus where I picked up an acoustic guitar to start warming up before the acoustic set. I didn't want to wait for Zack since he was probably working out somewhere so I just started without him.

I started singing acoustic versions of Weightless, Six Feet Under The Stars and Let It Roll when suddenly, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I didn't dare look back because I didn't want to know or face whoever was coming in. I just wanted to focus on what I was doing without any unnecessary interruptions especially from…

"Hey Alex," Ashley's somewhat high-pitched voice chimed in. It was certainly annoying and unwanted right about now.

I just nodded at her without even looking away from the string of my guitar. I just kept playing as she practically stared at me. She sat down right in front of me probably to get my attention but that was something she would never get. I didn't want to talk to her or see her or have anything to do with her. She was not my friend and she was someone I didn't want to speak to especially after all the problems she caused and all the relationships she messed up. So what I'm trying to say is that I hate her. Wait maybe hate is too harsh; dislike is more or less the word that I'm looking for.

"C'mon Alex," she whined pushing me playfully but I still didn't budge.

I stopped playing for a while to look around. Turns out, we were the only ones here and that meant no good. Actually it meant nothing good at all. I hated the fact that I was alone with her because being alone with this concubine-or whatever she is- is not a good idea and only bad things can happen. Nothing good can ever come out of it and I didn't want anything else to be ruined.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" She asked in a mean tone.

I wasn't really sure if she wanted to know but then I took a leap of faith.

"Why are you doing this to Jack?" I asked her as I set the guitar down right in front of her.

"Doing what?" she said acting all clueless and innocent but trust me she is nothing but **guilty**.

"Shut up, you know what I mean!" I raised my voice at her. I was too deep in hot water to deal with her in the calmest way possible.

"You mean about that guy you saw me kissing 3 days ago?" she said casually and my eyeballs almost bulged out.

"Why the fuck do you say that as if it's nothing?" I said with anger filling my tone inside and out.

"Because it is nothing, I mean its not as if he's ever gonna know." She said and I felt my temper blast off to the moon.

How the hell could she do this to such a great friend? Jack didn't deserve all this bullshit she was putting him through. If anyone deserved to get hurt it was her and no one else. She needs to see how it feels like to be cheated on and shit like that. That way she'd realize that being the victim is a shitty role in any case possible. This shouldn't be my problem but since Jack is one of my closest friends, this all had to stop. I need to let him see what she's doing wrong and that he didn't deserve her because he deserved someone better, someone who actually cared and loved him right back. Ashley was just this annoying bitch that's clinging to him for only God knows why.

"I'm sure you're not going to tell him so why not do it right?" she said coldly.

"Have you ever been cheated on?" I asked her curiously and she rolled her eyes.

"Sweetie, I'm the player in every single story so no, I don't let anyone cheat on me." she said looking at her fingernails as she spoke.

I just wanted to choke her and kill her right at this moment and she didn't even know it. The news will get back to Jack someday but I don't want to be the one to tell him. Maybe I could tell Zack and then he'd be the one to tell him but I'm sure that even if I tell him, he'd never have the guts to tell Jack because he always says "What he can't see, he won't believe". He's been telling me that since Ashley and I were 'going out' but she was just playing me so I guess that didn't really count as a real relationship. I can't believe I was actually attracted to her.

"Whatever," I said getting up and leaving her all to herself.

I went out of the bus and walked down to the merch booth to sign things for people who actually care. She was probably starting to get her flirt on with the first guy she finds most attractive and I can't believe I'm not doing anything about it. It's stupid and really unlikely of me but I know that Jack won't believe me. I mean he'd probably get mad at me all over again and then the band will start to fall apart again and I can't let that happen here in tour and it's impossible for me to survive here without the others so I guess it's hopeless and somehow pointless but that bitch is so wrong when she said that he'll never find out because I'm sure that he will. I'm really, really fucking sure and I'll make sure that he does. I just know it.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay so I had a plan and maybe this would be the stupidest thing ever but it's worth a shot. Since Ashley won't give in and since she's still playing the role of the "player" in this very sad love story, I decided to take Jack to the party tonight and get him wasted enough to sleep with another girl. This was perfect. How was I supposed to get him drunk? That's easy… Jack likes playing spin the bottle and anything that involves alcohol so why don't we make him play a drinking game and then ask him to play spin the bottle? It's going to be a boys night out anyway so Ashley's sure to never get in the way of this very perfect plan.

So we have about an hour before the party and the set was done for today and one thing's for sure and that is: We killed it again today. Now, we were freshening up and preparing for the party. I was just picking up a GK shirt when suddenly Jack came up to me.

"Dude, have you seen Ashley?" he asked worriedly.

"Nope," I said innocently. But it was true. I really didn't know where the cheating bitch was.

"Where could she be? I mean she's been out the whole day." He said sitting on the bunk that was behind him.

"Well, probably she made _friends_ here." I said emphasizing the word 'friends' but he didn't get it. I can't believe he trusted her so much.

"Well, if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her." He said getting up and heading outside.

"Okay," I lied. Why would I tell him and ruin me perfect plan?

I told myself that I wouldn't feel guilty for breaking them up and right now, the words are sticking and I don't feel an ounce of guilt – well not yet at least. I wasn't really scared about the whole thing since I knew that this was going to be good for him and this will definitely get him away from her forever but something in me told me that it was sorta mean of me to pull this on him behind his back. But then again as Barney from How I Met Your Mother said, it's always bros before hoes. That's like article number one in the book of bro codes. I know that it's just a show and all but it should really be a law. Barney Stinson is such a brilliant man and I look up to him.

Once I got my attire ready, I faced the mirror and tried to fix my hair. You see, the trick is to try to make it seem like you did nothing at all to it and that's sorta hard to do with my hair. That took me about 20 minutes and when I was fully satisfied, I got my phone and went out of the bus.

Violet and I haven't really been going through the relationship smoothly. After I left for tour, the first few days, we just texted each other a lot but now, not so much and to think that it's only been a week or so. She told me that she was busy and the she didn't have time to communicate and that she wanted some space. I didn't really think she was serious when she said all that but then the next day, she told me that it just wasn't working out. I didn't get anything since I hardly ever did anything to her but I think I know why she's dumping me. She might have someone better. But seriously, who can ever be better than me? I am Alexander William Gaskarth for crying out loud. Who could possibly be better? I didn't want to say anything more after her break up text so I just left her hanging. I can't believe she didn't even call me. I mean it would've been way better on the phone. That way I can just hang up on her. I didn't beg for a reason and somehow, I didn't care. I was free and without the boyfriend leash. I was single and there was a party coming up and everyone knows what that means. Well for those who don't, let's just say Jack's not the only guy getting wasted tonight.

I walked around for a while and stopped when I saw The Friday Night Boys playing on stage. I stayed throughout the whole performance and congratulated the dudes right after. Then there was simply no time to waste. I was already practically late for the party but hey, it doesn't hurt to be fashionably late, right? Of course it doesn't. I do it all the time.

I got to the party and noticed how packed the place was. I wouldn't be surprised if suddenly someone just falls all of a sudden. It's easy to suffocate in here if you're not careful but that doesn't stop my plan of intoxicating Jack and my very self.

I looked for Jack through the sea of people and gave away his and hellos to all the pretty ladies I passed by. I also gave a knuckle touch to the friends that passed me by. Once I found Jack just sitting in a booth staring outside, I slipped in on the other side and clapped once to get his attention.

"Bored already?" I asked him.

"No, I'm just worried about her." He said with a frown and a matching sigh. This was going to be easy.

"No worries, I'm here to make sure you have a great time." I said motioning him to get up by sliding out of the booth.

He followed me to the bar and that's where I got his drink on. He just kept saying stuff about Ashley while I pretended to listen by nodding. Once he got tired of talking, I pushed him to the dance floor – I'm not talking figuratively just so you know and man, was that boy wobbly after a few shots – and led him in the middle of a group of girls who were quite willing to dance with him.

After a while of dancing, only Jack and one girl was still on the dance floor dancing. Well I think grinding is a more appropriate word and when I asked one of her friends what her name was, they said Ashley and well, that's just perfect. I say this because if ever Jack will sleep with her tonight, he won't be hurting her feeling by calling out the wrong name. Clever, you might think but really, it's coincidental.

So, since Jack is obviously taken care off, it was time for me to party for myself and well I can say that when I say that I wanna have a great time – wasted – that's exactly what I'm gonna get.


	16. Chapter 16

It's twelve in the afternoon and I'm still hungover. I couldn't get over all that happened last night. Jack definitely got wasted but I was too fucked up to tail him around like a dog. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was in someone else's place. I wasn't in a bus. I was actually in a hotel room and I was alone. So here's what I did: I jumped out of bed, wore all my clothes back on and ran out the door. I took the elevator and went down to the grand lobby. Once the doors opened, I walked across the lobby getting dirty looks from both the concierge and the security guard. Man, I must've been extremely wasted last night or shall I say early this morning since I never get death glares from hotel personnel. I'm usually the all time favourite.

I went out of the hotel and made my way to the venue which was like a block away. I wonder how I got here. But as I walked through the parking lot, people started giving me weird looks. What was all this about? Was my hair sticking out of its place? I rushed to the bus just in time to hear people shouting. It was Jack and Ashley. Perfect. I came in silently but slammed the door shut. Once they figured out that I was in the room they stopped arguing. Jack just stared at me with this expression I haven't seen him use his whole life. I saw anger in his eyes and this definitely wasn't something good. I looked at Ashley and saw that she'd been crying but once the silence became awkwardly still, she ran past me and out the bus where she should have been a long time ago. When Jack saw that, he just shook his head at me with those angry eyes and headed out the door but went the opposite path.

I had the bus all to myself. Great. I checked myself out in the full-length mirror in the bathroom and saw that everything was perfectly fine. If everything was fine physically, why did everyone give me weird looks? I shrugged to myself and told myself it wasn't my problem so it shouldn't matter. I took a quick shower before making a change of clothes.

Today was gonna be perfect since my mission was complete. There was no way Ashley would like Jack anymore and there was no way they would get back together again. Hate is in the air – in their relationship at least. Once I brushed my teeth, I went out of the bus and started walking towards the schedule for today. Today was our day off so I can rest and just relax the whole day. I just needed some other guys and then I'd be okay.

But while I was walking, nobody shared a friendly smile. No one dared to talk to me and some of the people even gave me a look of pity. I was on the walk of shame; a shameless man on a very shameful path. Tell me, how ironic is that? I'd say very but that's not a question I should answer.

Once Zack passed by and saw my clueless face, he sighed and then started towards me. He scratched the back of his face while he made a face. This was bad. I could just feel it in the air. All of a sudden, I felt nervous and I just wanted all this to be done already, I wanted to get this over with. Once he reached me, he sighed once more before suckerpunching me in the face. That big blow threw me on the floor and the floor was asphalted and rocky and it was really, really hot today. One more thing, I just took a bath. My nose heart like hell and I felt liquid flowing from it. Zack stood before me and was about to strike another punch but someone held him back. I didn't know who did but whoever it was, I thank him or her greatly. A paramedic rushed to my side with a first aid kit – I don't know how he got here but he is – and treated me. He realigned my nose – which hurt like hell – and he did it without uttering a single word. I think maybe he saw this coming but I don't know. All I do know is that my face hurts like hell. I need a pillow, a bed and an ice pack or at least something cold. Oh and before I forget, a bottle of beer below zero too.

When I got up from the ground – since the medic didn't prop me up, I saw Zack holding an ice pack against his knuckle. He looked at me as if I killed his mom. I would never do anything like that. Hell, I wouldn't kill anyone at all.

"Can you tell me why you had to do what you did?" I asked scrunching my face since the pain was overrated.

"Please, just because you were wasted last night doesn't mean you, of all people, would forget what horrible things you did." He said.

The sun was blazing and it was getting hard to see. I squinted at Zack before talking to him.

"C'mon Zack, excite me with a fairytale." I said sarcastically not meeting his bloody-serial killer-eyes.

"You really don't remember?" he asked making his question sound like a statement. Was he asking rhetorically?

I didn't know what else to say and I guess it was kinda clear that I was hella clueless since he saw the desperation in my face. He dropped the angriness and sat beside me under the heat. It was really weird sitting here in the middle of everything but at least the clouds were starting to move, covering the sun so it was less hot.

Zack told me a thousand times how much of a jerk I was last night. He told me how I desperately asked Jack to break up with Ashley because she wasn't a good person. He also told me that at one moment, I got lost and he was looking for me only to find me making out with Ashley. From what he saw, he told me that she came onto me but that wasn't it yet. He knew that I was wasted and when Zack saw what he saw, he pulled Ashley away from me and Ashley started bitching out on Zack while I started drinking. After a while, he said I passed out and then he left with Ashley and he made her tell Jack what she did. She told him that it was nothing but Jack just couldn't and wouldn't hear it. It was all good at that point since that's when they were totally over but after the whole break up scene, Zack said she came running to me with tears in her eyes. He saw me leave with her, stumbling as I was walking. And that's how he knew that we slept together. He told Jack in a pleasant way so he wouldn't burst in rage. The next morning, according to him, he woke up early and went out for his morning jog. He saw Ashley but just shook her head at her. She was heading for the bus and since he knew exactly what she was going to do, he turned around and jogged back toward the bus. He just opened the door a little so he could eavesdrop. He heard things that he shouldn't have heard but if she was lying then he could bring out all her honesty.

"So where do we go from here?" she asked Jack.

"Where do you think?" Jack answered coldly.

"You're not the same Jack I used to know." She muttered.

"Yeah, I could say the same for you." Jack said and that's when the waterworks started.

Zack saw me coming so he began his jog and went the other way and that's when everything happened.

"So if that's all that happened, why is everyone giving me dirty looks?" I asked with a great amount of emotion in my voice.

"She's been talking shit about you and I thought…" he trailed off. "I'm sorry. It was an impulse." He sighed getting himself off the ground and helping me up as well.

"Nah I guess I deserved that. But you should really ask first before doing anything." I said squinting as the light seeped out of the clouds.

"So what are you gonna do about her now?" he asked hands on hips.

"Destroy her."


	17. Chapter 17

After my little meeting with Zack, I walked around not minding the people who looked at me. I shrugged their glaring stares off and went to look for that bitch who started this mess. I used to think she was pretty. I used to think she as cool. I used to think she was everything but now I know she's just a tool. Wow, I'm rhyming. But that's not supposed to matter right now. What's supposed to matter is finding Ashley and messing her up, badly.

I looked around the venue, wondering where she might've gone but I ended up going around in circles. I asked some people who didn't shoot me down with death glares if they saw Ashley but they told me not to look for her. I tried to explain my cause but they didn't get it since they weren't really into all the gossip or whatever was going around the tour grounds. I gave up trying to ask people if they saw her since they never really paid attention. Too much people can lead to so much confusion. No one really cared about what happened but there were people who thought I was like the worst guy in the planet Earth. It's not as if they know the whole story so what the hell.

I tried to go back to the hotel but she wasn't there. I looked for her in some of the sets but I never really saw her. But as I look for her, I wonder to myself why I want to find her and if I did find her, what exactly would I say? What exactly would I do? I guess I never really thought that over so I stopped looking for her. I just can't believe she messed things up for me. Karma's a bitch but it doesn't mean that it has to make me this fucked up. I didn't really understand why life was turning in on me. I guess it's because I'm not exempted from bad things in life. I mean just because I make music and share it with the world and have people talk about it doesn't mean I can escape all the wrong things in life. There is no special treatment when it comes to life's downsides. But this rollercoaster is heading to an overdrive and it's driving me nuts.

"Hey Alex, how was your night?" Jack asked as he came towards me. He didn't seem extremely angry. It looked like he was sullen or something.

"I don't know, I don't really remember anything." I said looking at him with apologetic eyes.

"Yeah? Well I just wanted to come over and tell you that you were right and that I'm not going to let that screw up ruin our friendship but dude, you should get your rep fixed. I mean, you just got raped by a girl." He said with a laugh and my eyes popped open wide. How could he say something cheerful like that at a moment this… I don't know, bad?

"Hmm, yeah, I know. I've been trying to think of ways to do that but I just don't know how to fix it, you know? But anyway, you sure you're okay now? I mean like no hard feeling or whatsoever?" I asked hoping he wasn't hiding his emotions and disguising them with smiles.

"Yes, Alex. I'm completely over her. I never realized it was that easy but I guess this proved it." He said with a goofy grin.

We started walking aimlessly, talking about the most random things ever. This was actually a great make up thing. We got to realize that nothing could break a bond this strong and that Ashley was nothing to both of us. Just another speed bump on this rocky road we're on. It wasn't hard to tell though that Jack had started drinking. I mean he couldn't possibly face me after a break up like that but I hope his not too far out and I just hope he'll remember these moments and in time, internalize it and notice that I'm not the bad guy in all this. I'm actually the innocent one who got used – in Jack's words, raped – and abused by a girl. Man does that sound gay. I mean who the hell rapes a guy? And I don't think it was brutal enough to be called a rape…or was it? Either way, I wouldn't want to remember it. I didn't want to know what occurred last night so I can truly believe that I was innocent and that I was right about all this. I don't want to find out that there really was something there and that I really deserved all those glares. I just don't want the worst when I could have the best.

It's depressing when you think about it and tell yourself that you can't escape the worst. It's not something you can evade or put aside without going through it. As Jack and I departed – he wanted to go get a nap so he went back to the bus – and as I walked the venue alone, I started to remember everything little by little and if I'm not mistaken, I was pretty fucked up last night. Talk about playing hide and seek in the hotel and hiding in the girls' restroom. Oh and telling the concierge that she looked like crap because Ashley dared me to. It was weird how I just started doing things without a conscience telling me to stop but I was out of line and drunk. But there was this unbelievable memory that popped in my head. I'm not sure if I made it up or if it was real but from what I remember in my head, I think I watched her slip something into my drink and telling me it was nothing. She drank from it to prove that there was nothing wrong with it and so, since I was drunk, I stupidly took the glass and drank from it.

What did she give me? Roofies? Man, I feel like one of the guys in The Hangover except this was worse than what they went through. Well, I guess I'm exaggerating but these memories are just super awkward. Now I know how they feel.

So now that I know she drugged me, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to tell on her? Yes? No? 'Coz that would seriously wreck her life and well, right now that sounds like a good idea. I think I might as well stick to my gut with this one. I just hope this works out the way I want it to… man am I fucked up.


	18. Chapter 18

So here's what happened. Ashley is now out of our lives forever and if you're asking, no I didn't kill her with my bare hands; I simply turned her over to where she really needed to be – a mental hospital. I know its lame but well sometime's life is like that. We try to think of a way to get back at someone but at some point, our conscience tells us that it's the wrong thing and luckily I trusted my conscience or I'd be facing a lot of trouble, also known as security guards placing me inside the police car and then into a jail cell where I'd practically spend a month and right now, that's not a good thing.

Right now, things are going great with the band, the tour and practically my life is breezing through time. I know I'm sounding sorta weird right now but I don't know. These days, I just feel so overwhelmed with everything that's been happening to and around me. I never really thought we'd make it this far into the business so lets just say I'm still processing most of the things that are happening.

Show after show, fans cheer us on and that for me is more than enough. To think that these words that I sing and make into wonderful melodies can inspire quite a lot of people somehow makes me feel soft inside. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that maybe I don't need anything more in this life. Maybe this is somehow it for me. Well maybe just partially it but still, it just feels so good already.

Love just rips me apart and tears me up inside. It hurts to actually try to love someone and then get hurt in the end. With this life I'm living, love is somewhat a distraction. I crash into it and then I burn, I try it out and end up getting hurt, I let it take over and it swallows me whole. I just can't get why I always try to get my hopes up through love.

"Dude? You okay?" Zack asked waving his hand in front of my face to get my attention.

"Huh? What?" I said and everyone laughed.

I was in the bus with the rest of the band and some friends and we were planning for after the tour and I was zoning out. Great, I wonder what bad things they might've said about me.

"We were planning to go to Disneyland after tour. What do you think?" Jack said. That statement has Jack written all over. I wonder if the others agreed to it…

"I'm down with that," I said and some of them snorted.

"But we've been there thousands of times, Jack." Rian complained.

"So? We've been to your house thousands of times," Jack countered. I'm not sure where he was going with what he said but that kept Rian quiet.

I wasn't really cut out with all of this planning and crap so I just left it all to them. I went out after excusing myself, hoping to get some fresh, clean air. What's different about this tour for me is that I didn't really bond with the rest of the bands and some of them I hardly even heard or seen before. Right now a band called "Switch." is playing and since I've always wanted to check them out, I walked over to where they were playing listening closely to the music they were making. From where I was standing, they sounded pretty neat. I didn't want to get caught in the mosh pit so I walked into the backstage without any trouble. The music was way clearer from back there. You could actually hear all the words properly and ride to the rhythm and flow with the beats.

"_Every time I close my eyes, I see you smile. _

_If that isn't love then can someone please tell me what it is?_

'_Coz I don't wanna spend my whole life knowing_

_That there's nothing more special than a moment like this_

_I've fallen in and out of love hoping that someday_

_You might take my hand and take me everywhere we dream to be_

_But somehow I got my hopes tangled up in a knot_

_Knowing that you'd run away without another word, _

_I should've given up without a second thought. _

_Someday you're gonna spend some time wondering_

_Asking yourself what could have or might have been _

_But don't worry, I'll never forget_

_How you turned all my hope into an ocean of regret." _

While the lead singer – Brooklynne Jamison – was singing those words, they totally hit me. Her words spoke to me like I was actually having a conversation with her. She has talent, I'll tell you that.

When the show ended, I didn't really want to be in the backstage since they might ask why I was there when I wasn't really invited to hang here so I started walking back to the bus. I was bound to meet the band at some point. I mean we are in the same tour.

While I was making my way back to the bus, I felt someone holding me back using my shirt. I spun around almost instantly, ready to face the person who tugged at my shirt. But when I turned around, it turns out that it was just probably a fourteen year old asking for my autograph and I totally scared. She had this frightened look in her eyes and then she ran away. I was about to call out to her and say sorry but I didn't really want to make a big deal out of it. I'm so done with scenes.

I sighed guiltily as I watched the kid run all the way to her friends to tell them what happened. But whatever she might've told them won't change the way the rest of the world sees me now will it? Nah, I don't think so.

"Hmmm, not big with kids are you?" someone said from behind.

I looked back – more careful this time – and saw the face that I just heard on stage.

"Oh, that was an accident, really." I said nervously trying to defend myself.

"Sure, okay." She said looking at the kid and her group.

"You played a great show," I blurted out trying to change the topic before it all turned awkward.

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself." She said with a smile.

"Hey, what can I say?" I said keeping it cool.

I know what you're thinking and no, it's not gonna happen. She doesn't seem like someone who falls in love and does all that mushy stuff that can get you down in the end, no. She's seems more like a friend than that. I was going to ask her about to that song that sorta talked to me in a way but then someone called out to her. "Hey Alyx!"

She spun around and faced one of her bandmates who was carrying a bottle of water.

"Alyx?" I said. I thought her name was Brooklynne.

"Oh, um, not many people know but Alyx is my second name. I don't want everyone calling me that so just call me Brooklynne," she whispered to me before leaving me and running off to whoever called her.

Alyx. Its weird how close that is to my name. Oh well I guess it's just a coincidence. I mean it happens.


	19. Chapter 19

"Thanks everyone! I love you guys!" I screamed into the microphone as we ended yet another awesome show.

Everyone cheered and some of them asked me to take my shirt off but somehow, I didn't really want to. I guess I'm just really tired. Or I'm not so into all this stuff… not today at least.

After the show, all the bands were hanging out together which meant that Brooklynne and her band were going to be hanging out with us and that means, well, I don't know, more friends? I was excited for the meet up and happy that I was actually going to meet some people with tons of talent and great music.

I ran back to the bus, trying to avoid the mosh pit that was slowly trying to make its way out of the arena and into the area where merch stands stood. I desperately wanted to take a bath and look my best in this thing we're going to have. Why? Well, who wouldn't want to look nice in an occasion like this? Definitely not me, that's for sure.

When I finished my hot and relaxing shower, I brushed my teeth before getting out of the bathroom to grab some clothes I had packed for situations like this. I changed quickly in the bathroom and then placed on some manly perfume.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked as I emerged from the bathroom.

"To the meet up," I said walking to my bunk where my phone was. "Why?"

"Oh, I thought you were about to go to some fancy-shmancy party," he said before heading into the bathroom to shower.

I just smirked at his statement as I thought about my outfit. It wasn't really super formal, I mean I wasn't wearing a tuxedo or a business suit. I was simply wearing a plaid polo, a pair of jeans and Nike dunks. Was my outfit formal?

I asked that to Zack as soon as he came in.

"Well, usually, you'd wear a t-shirt, jeans and dunks but I don't know," he said grabbing a bottle of water from the mini refrigerator we had on the bus.

"So you're saying the polo makes a difference?" I asked him and quirked an eyebrow.

"No," he said pausing as he thought about another reason. "Oh, forget it,"

I rolled my eyes at him and went out of the bus with my phone and wallet. I didn't need anything else so I just waited outside.

"Hey, that was an awesome show!" Brooklynne said as she walked towards me. "Oh and that's a nice polo you've got there,"

"Hey, thanks," I said with a smile. At least someone appreciated my look tonight. "So how've you been?" I asked her trying to make small talk to make the time pass.

We didn't actually make that much small talk because most of the things were talking about were deep things. I finally asked her about that song and she told me that it was about her first break up with her ex-boyfriend.

He cheated on her when she was touring and her boyfriend told her that long distance relationships wouldn't work for him so he gave up on her and broke her heart – case closed.

It's sad really how some guys just don't try hard enough to make their relationships work and end up hurting the one they used to be infatuated with.

If you're wondering why I didn't use the word love, it's because once you love someone, that feeling can't ever go away. Love can never be lessened, it can only grow. I've lived by that statement for well, I guess my whole life and look where it's gotten me. Honestly, I have no regrets. Regrets are just a waste of time, really. You spend time thinking about what mistake you might've made but then what's the point in that when you really can't change what happened? The only thing you can do really is live your life without fear that those regrets will wrap you up and squeeze you until you die in misery. To keep things simple, what I'm trying to say is to just keep moving forward without looking back. If things don't work out, then maybe they're not supposed to. There's a reason behind everything we do but sadly, not everyone sees it like I do. We all have different points of view but I just hope that there are some of us in this world who share the same opinion when it comes to these things. Maybe then, I'll find the one for me.

"I'm sorry about that," I said placing my hands in my pockets as I started to get a little cold.

"Dude, you don't have to apologize, I mean I'm over him. I have someone better, someone who actually cares for me," she said with a big bright smile.

"Really? And who might that be?" I asked her.

She spun around gracefully as she looked into the crowd for someone. Once she found who she was looking for, she motioned for that person to come here and then that someone started towards us.

"Alex, this is my boyfriend, Grant." She introduced as soon as Grant was right in front of me.

I shook his hand and said, "It's nice to meet you,"

"You too," he said with a wide grin.

Grant was about my height. He had dark brown hair that I guess just got out of a barber shop since it was cut neatly and a face that I guess most girls would fall for. It's not really surprising that Brooklynne got locked under this guy's spell.

I don't even know why that bothers me but something tells me that I shouldn't dwell on it. I mean Brooklynne's a nice girl and she's beautiful in most every way but I don't think she and I could fall in love I mean I'm not really looking for any opportunities right now and besides, she's taken by this douche bag.

I watched as Grant whispered something to Brooklynne. I guess it wasn't something good because her smile broke into a frown as soon as he left.

"You okay?" I asked her and she heaved a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess," she answered hesitantly.

She clearly needed some cheering up and as I've been told, I'm actually great at that so I asked her to go on a walk with me.

"Sure, that'd be great," she said and we started to walk around the whole place.

"So I was just wondering…" Brooklynne started after a moment of brief silence, "what was that whole thing about Ashley about?" she asked and I looked at her with curious eyes.

"You know Ashley?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, she's actually an old friend but she changed over the years," she said.

"Hmm," I said thinking about what she was like before. "So she wasn't crazy like this before?"

"No, I never really knew that she used drugs." She stated and I smirked.

"Well, don't worry, I didn't know either." I said and then changed the topic. I really didn't want to talk about that psychopath anymore. "So about Grant, how long have you guys been together?"

"Not long really, it's only been a month or so. I met him on tour. He's a friend of a friend." She said vaguely.

"I see," I said trying to look for a question that would be in line with the topic but nothing really came up so I just stayed silent.

"Hey, maybe they're waiting for us. We should really head back now," she said and we turned around and briskly walked back to where we met before we started our little walk.

[BROOKLYNNE'S POV]

I couldn't believe it. I was talking with one of the most talented guys here on tour. Alex Gaskarth. I've always looked up to him and I've always wanted this to happen. Maybe I know how to keep it cool on the outside but maybe if he got inside my head, he'd probably freak out and get scared of me.

Alex used to be like a god to me. He was someone I've always wanted to meet and tour with. When we got on this tour, I screamed and shouted and well I was really hyper active for what felt like days. My dreams finally came true and I was on my way to completing more of the goals I had set for myself.

I really wanted to go meet the rest of the bands but I didn't really know how to make small talk or join in conversations. I didn't really want to think that I'm a person who just butts in because I eavesdropped on them or something like that. But if someone talks to me personally, I can keep that conversation going, I guess. Like what I'm doing here with Alex…

Being here with Alex is just, wow. I don't even know how to explain it. I've dreamt of this moment for a really long time and finally it's coming to life. My dreams are finally filling their worth and I'm just so happy to be here. But I was especially happy when he told me that he liked my song and that he thought that the lyrical content was amazing. Was I just lucky that he was actually backstage, listening to the song or what? I don't know what it was but all I do know is that I think Alex and I could be great friends.

We went our separate ways when we reached the point where we met. I went with the rest of the band while he went back to his bus.

"Where've you been?" Tyler, my brother and the drummer for the band asked me as soon as I got to where they were currently huddled up.

"Oh, I was with Alex," I said and he raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Oh nothing I was just wondering if you were still with Grant or not," he said with his arms crossed.

Fortunately the circle was somewhat far from us so no one could hear our little 'argument'.

"Dude, come on, it's not like that with Alex. We're just friends. Besides, I could never cheat on anyone." I said rolling my eyes. I can't believe he actually thought I was doing something bad.

"Whatever you say," Tyler said putting his arms back down and walking back to the group.

I followed closely behind him thinking about what he said. Did it look like I was spending too much time with Alex? I mean we only met about a day ago and it didn't seem like we took a long time to walk and besides we were just talking about stuff. People should really get their eyes rechecked if that's what's going on in their heads right now.

I could never hurt Grant the way my ex-boyfriend broke me apart. I'm not that kind of girl. I don't regret being with him either because it only made me aware. Aware of what the world held in it. The variety of people who are capable of hurting others without even thinking thoroughly. In other words, stupid people who foolishly let lust lead them on. I will never be that kind of person and I just hope I don't meet anyone like that ever again.

"So where are we headed to?" I asked Mike, the lead guitarist of the band and my best friend.

Well maybe I could consider my brother as my best friend too but sometimes he's just too overprotective and it really annoys me. But other than him being overprotective, he's actually a nice guy and well, let's just leave it that. I don't want to get all mushy so yeah…

"I think we're going on a joyride," he said with excitement.

"Huh," I said satisfied with the activity. I could use a joyride.

"Hey, babe," Grant said from behind me.

I spun around and watched as he walked up to me and kissed me right on the lips. I looked at him curiously once he pulled away and he just smiled and placed his hand in mine. He dragged me towards the side of the circle but not really far from it.

"What's up?" I asked as soon as we were out of hearing range.

"Nothing, I just missed you," he said tucking some loose strands of her behind my ear.

"Really? But we were together the whole day," I said biting my bottom lip.

He smiled as he started trailing kissing from my neck to my lips. "Babe, I miss you every single second you're not with me," His hot breath grazed my lips and I smirked.

"You're such a horny ass," I said laughing and playfully pushing him away. "But I'm still going on that joyride," I said and he frowned.

"But I wanted to spend more time with you," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Then come on," I said taking his hand and bringing him to where the rest of humanity was.

Everyone was starting to get in rented cars so I looked for Mike and Tyler. Once I found them, I dragged Grant along and we both got into the car.

"Where's Dan?" I asked them as soon as I shut the door.

"He said that he was riding with ATL," Mike said.

That lucky bastard! Well at least we were going to the same place.

I looked over to where Grant sat – which was beside me – and saw that he was looking out the window with a blank face which meant that he was upset about something. Was he actually upset about me turning him down? We were still spending time with each other but we were with other people. What difference does it make? The more the merrier, right? I just don't get him anymore. Ever since we got here, he's been sort of distant and I'm beginning to doubt our relationship but I guess I can't really say anything as of now since nothing's happened and I just hope it stays like that. We have about a month until tour ends and right now, I don't ever want it to end but somehow, that wish of mine is starting to wreck my relationship.

I just hate it when he's like this. He's probably gonna start giving me the silent treatment and then he's gonna expect me to make it up to him. It's tiring really when it comes down to this but at least he's not always like this.

As I watched the road go by outside my window, I hoped, wished and prayed that we'd get by this bump in our relationship and that it'll magically all turn out to be alright. But then again, magic's my worst enemy and it ruins most of the things in my life but I don't know, maybe it'll work this time. Just maybe.


	20. Chapter 20

After an hour and a half, we all parked our cars in a deserted beach. We had a big bonfire with some wood they found at the side of the beach. The only thing that bugged me about this whole get together was the way Grant was acting towards me. He wasn't talking to me but he was talking to a whole other bunch of people.

I sat a meter away from the bonfire that burst in large flames. I watched it as I tried desperately to keep the tears from falling out of my eyes. Why did he have to do this to me now? If we didn't come here, he wouldn't be socializing with his friends and we'd eventually get bored. I mean it's only like 10:54 P.M. right now.

I sighed as I picked sand up from the ground I was sitting in and letting it pour in between my fingers.

"What are you doing all alone?" Alex asked as he sat beside me in the sand. I looked at him before looking back at the fire in front of me.

"Grant and I had some kind of argument before coming here and now he's giving me the silent treatment," I said sadly. I sighed for about the millionth time tonight and my tears getting harder to keep.

"Aww, come here," he said comforting as he scooted closer and draped his arm around my shoulders. "Tell you what, I'll stay here with you for as long as you want,"

I looked at him and smiled. At least someone was willing to talk to me even if I was in a sulking mood.

"Thanks, Alex," I said leaning on his shoulder and for a while, we just stayed like that.

I felt really comfortable with Alex and I didn't even have to have really deep and intense feelings for him. This was what I called friendship. Most people think that when guys and girls are close and talk a lot, there has to be something going on between them. People judge other people easily and it really annoys me like hell. Alex and I were no more than friends. I am loyal to my relationship with Grant. How can that be so hard to get? I dint use any big words, did I?

I was just so aggravated with everything in my head that I had no idea that I fell asleep in Alex's arms. I woke up almost instantly hitting the top of my head on Alex's stubbled chin.

"Ouch," we both said simultaneously.

"Sorry," I said getting up. I needed to stretch my limbs – and my patience, that's for sure.

"Don't worry about it," he said getting up as well.

I looked at everyone around us and noticed that Tyler had been watching us. I rolled my eyes at him and watched as Alex yawned.

"Long day?" I asked and he smiled. He had the most charming smile I've ever seen. It's not like I just noticed it now but seeing it this close is just amazing.

"No, just really tired I guess," he said. "Tour does that to me a lot," he winked at me and then grabbed me by the hand as he pulled me to a certain direction.

"Where the hell are we going?" I asked a little cheery from Alex's comforting.

"I need to introduce you to the rest of the band. They've been dying to meet you," he said enthusiastically.

I smiled at his attempt but I'm not sure I was supposed to be forgetting about the problem that dwelling on my shoulders. If Tyler thought that this was wrong, what would Grant think? That question pondered in my mind and all of a sudden, I wasn't really aware of Alex bringing me to the rest of the guys so that we could formally meet.

Even if I was supposed to stoked, – I mean I wanted to meet the band desperately – my mind couldn't get Grant out of the picture. I didn't know why he was acting this way it was tiring to always have to wonder why but I just can't stop. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

"Guys, this is Brooklynne," Alex said capturing my attention. "Brooklynne, this is Jack, Zack and Rian." He said and I smiled.

"I think I'd do fine without the introduction but thanks anyway," I said and they all laughed in chorus.

We started to stew up conversations and I started to lighten up a notch but the sulky feeling was still there inside. I didn't have to feel it but I still knew it was there and it was hard not to acknowledge it.

After talking with the guys for what seemed like hours, Alex started to stay silent. It seemed like something was bugging him. I didn't know what it was but I wanted to find out so after the guys left to get more drinks that some people brought to the beach, I asked Alex what was up.

"Huh? What?" he tried to hide it all from me but his eyes told a different story.

"C'mon, Alex, just tell me what's wrong." I asked as I looked at the waves that curled up on the shore. It might've been dark but there was a little light that made viewing the small waves possible.

We took a little walk before he said anything, "Well, I don't really know what to say," he started as we went farther and farther away from where all the others were.

"Hmmm, how can I make it easier then?" I asked rubbing the exposed skin on my arms as the cold breeze blew past us. I should've brought a jacket with me.

"Are you cold?" Alex asked as he started fidgeting with the buttons of his polo.

"Are you crazy?" I countered. He wasn't really thinking about going half naked in a cold night like this, was he?

"No, I have an under shirt, mind you." He said and I blushed hard. Well that was embarrassing.

He took off his polo but unrolled its sleeves before handing it to me. He looked even sexier with the white V-neck shirt that was unveiled after taking off plaid polo. It smelled just like him and he smelled so fucking good. I wore the polo and instantly felt warmer.

"Thanks," I said crossing my arms across my chest, "but you still have to tell me why you seem down,"

"Isn't that supposed to be you?" he said with a synthetic smile plastered on his face.

"Please, Alex, I have so many things on my mind and I don't want to have to worry about you too," I whined and he stopped in his tracks as he placed a hand on my face and mumbled something. I swear I heard him say 'What if I want you to?' but I wasn't really sure and somehow, I didn't want to be.

I let his soft hand fall from my face as we continued our walk. He didn't say anything for a while and I didn't pressure him into saying anything. Maybe if he took his time, he'd bring himself to saying what was on his mind.

We stopped walking and sat on the sand to watch the waves before us. I didn't know why we stopped right here but just being with him made me feel alright again. He made me feel like my problems were far away like the stars that shined above us. We left some space between us but even if we were close, I'd still be comfortable but I knew that he was only doing that because he knew I was with Grant. I'm glad he was thinking smart because, maybe just maybe, if he asked me to, I could just forget about Grant right then and there and start something new with him. Wait, what did I say?

My thoughts shocked me. How could I think of something horrible like that? I started to feel down again but Alex didn't let me go all the way.

"Brooke, I have a confession to make," he stated and I looked at him. He watched the waves intently and then waited for the right moment to tell me, "before I say anything though, just know that I say this as a friend, okay?" he said reassuringly.

I nodded as he turned to look at me. "I don't think Grant's the guy for you," he said and I my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

"W-what made you say that?" I stammered.

"Well, I don't see him with you two alone that much and if you guys are together, there's always a third party and when you guys aren't together, there's always an underlying argument," I watched him as he stated those things. I was quite surprised to say the least.

"Alexander William Gaskarth, have you been stalking me?" I accused trying to lighten up the dead-ish mood.

He looked at me almost instantly, "What? Psh, of course not, it just so happens that I see you whenever go somewhere," he said and I smirked.

"Sure, that's it…" I trailed off with sarcasm in my tone.

"But I am serious with I said though," he told me. "I think you're better off with someone else," he said and it got me wondering. Was he talking about himself?


	21. Chapter 21

The words Alex said lingered in my mind. I didn't push the subject even if I wanted to. I didn't want the conversation to turn awkward so we just stayed silent. But as the time ticked, the silence became too overwhelming and it led me to the question that I've been trying to hide away for almost a long time now. I had to ask the question just to be sure and I if the result is bad, then I'd accept it but hopefully it would turn out the way I want it to.

"Alex, do you think Grant is maybe cheating on me?" I asked him and his head snapped towards me. The question clearly caught him off guard.

"Um," he said nervously as he scratched the back of his head, "I don't know, Brooklynne," he said keeping it vague.

'I don't know' as Chuck Bartowski once said in an episode of Chuck was a phrase used to keep something secret without having to lie about it. So was he keeping something from me or was he telling the truth?

"You don't watch Chuck, do you?" I asked and he didn't answer. I guess I'll have to take that as a yes…

But if I try and think about it, Grant wouldn't do anything like that to me. He told me he wouldn't. He said that he was nothing like my ex and he didn't do that to girls. He said that girls are meant to be respected and not taken for granted. But was all he said some kind of way to win me over? Was it all bullshit?

I didn't want to think about it but just then, Alex sighed catching my attention.

"Look, I don't know if he is or isn't, okay?" he said crossing his legs. "But I saw him dancing with another girl the other night and then going off to some place. I didn't really care about where he was going but I was sure he wasn't dancing with you."

I thought it for a moment. The other day, he told me that he had this thing he had to do somewhere. I didn't really think it was going to a bar, dancing the night away and then taking off to some place. But that couldn't have happened. I mean he's not that kind of guy.

"Maybe they were just friends and they were hanging out," I said softly, afraid that my statement might be wrong.

Alex rolled his eyes at my said hypothesis and sighed even heavier this time. "Don't you get it?" he asked somewhat frustrated. "He's cheat-"

"Hey Brook, can we talk for a while?" Grant suddenly appeared right behind us.

I looked at Alex with anxious eyes as I stood up. Alex stood up after I did.

"I didn't ask for you," Grant spat as soon as Alex stood up.

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to get up?" Alex countered with the same kind of angry tone.

I pulled Grant away from Alex before they started brawling. I didn't want to cause a scene.

We stopped in the deserted parking lot. Apparently, everyone else was having so much fun and they were partying the night away – happy. I'd give anything away just to have that feeling in me right now but I wasn't happy. Instead, I was confused and aggravated at the same time.

"What are you doing with that guy, huh?" Grant asked with so much anger in his voice. I think if you add just a pinch more of it, he'd blow up like a giant active volcano.

"We're friends Grant so we were hanging out," I said calmly trying to stretch my patience for him.

"Don't you dare pull all that sarcastic shit on me!" he exclaimed.

"Are you high on some kinda depressant right now? Why are so furious at me?" I asked in the same attitude he's been showing.

He breathed out heavily and clenched his jaw. It looked like he was trying to break all his teeth through his anger but he couldn't. "You should really straighten this out, Jamison. I don't want to be the one looking like a fool here," he said through clenched teeth.

I wasn't sure if he was jealous or embarrassed but that wasn't the point. He just didn't get what friends were. He didn't get it at all. Did Alex and I look that comfortable with each other? Did we look like a couple? We didn't do anything stupid that's for sure and we really did not go over the friend boundary.

"Oh, so you're calling me by my last name now?" I said through all my frustration. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Look, McKinley, Alex and I are nothing but two people who like hanging out with each other but without any intense feeling of infatuation. We're FRIENDS for Christ's sake! Why can't you understand that?" I asked throwing my hands up. This was way too much,

"It surely doesn't seem like it since you guys are always hanging out," he said with an even bigger scowl on his face as he glared at the piece of fabric that was keeping me warm.

"So what, you're jealous?" I asked putting my hands on my hips.

"It's not about jealousy Brook, it's about loyalty!" he shouted. This was getting a little theatrical even for me.

"Yeah, you're one to talk about loyalty," I said and he looked at me in so much confusion that I was beginning to think that what Alex told me wasn't really true.

"What do you mean?" his anger just wouldn't go down a notch. It's getting hard to keep up with the level his rage was reaching.

"Alex saw you the other day in a bar with another girl. He said you guys were practically grinding on each other and then after a while, you guys took off and went to some other place." I said exaggerating just a teeny bit. "You told me you had something you had to do somewhere that day. Did you mean getting wasted and fucking sluts?" I asked and he looked like he was about to strike a punch with fists that he clamped together.

"So you're going to start trusting him instead of me now?" He asked furiously. "He was just probably finding a loop hole so that maybe he could break us apart and have a one night stand with a hoe like you!" he exclaimed insulting me in all ways possible in a situation like this.

I didn't really feel the tears well up 'til now but I wasn't about to show him that I was a weakling. I'm stronger than that.

I inhaled heavily. "Well did you fuck that other girl?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest. The tears were there, I could feel them but I couldn't let it out just yet.

It was getting harder to breathe as the silence surrounded us. Without us screaming and shouting, it was all really silent but the faint music coming from the party was still there.

He swallowed hard in defeat. I saw it in his eyes. He did cheat on me. He was just another manwhore practically looking for another person to fool. Sadly, that fool was me.

"It's over between us," he said just above a whisper.

"Fuck you," I said and slapped him hard across the face. He touched the part of his face that hurt and gave me a glare before turning away and walking towards the sidewalk to hail for a cab.

The cab came by and he left. He left not wanting to face his defeat. He messed up not only this whole fake and fucked up relationship but also my hopes of finding someone who'd be true to me. He crushed all my dreams of finding 'the one'.

Tears started streaming down my face as I watched his cab speed down the road, away from me. I don't know why I was still stuck up on this shit but I guess its normal seeing that it just happened.

I was hiccuping as I slid down beside the car I'd been leaning on this whole time. I wrapped my legs with one hand and placed my other hand in my hair and held it back in so much fury. I'd been played with yet again. I'd been fooled and tampered with. I felt like such a foolish, little girl who'd believe anything anyone tells her.

I cried and cried as I sat there in the dark but it didn't take too long for someone to find me.

"Brooklynne?" Alex's voice chimed in.

Maybe I did need to talk to someone but no matter how much I really wanted to, I just didn't want to talk to him about all this.

He followed the sound of my sobs until he found me all drenched behind a car. I didn't bother to look up at him. I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Hey, it's okay," he said sitting next to me. He was about to pull me into a hug but I pushed him away.

"Go away, Alex," I managed to whisper as soon as I found my voice.

"W-what did I do?" he sounded confused. I pitied him for not knowing what he did wrong but at the same time, I felt bad that I was going to pull this on him.

I couldn't bare the fact that Alex was right so that made me even angrier. I really didn't want to be angry at him but I couldn't help it. I was really fucked up.

[ALEX'S POV]

"You ruined everything, Alex! My life and my relationship!" she exclaimed as she stood up in all the frustration that was boiling up inside her small, frail body.

"But I just told you the truth!" I said not getting why she was acting like this.

I did something for her – something nice to say the least – and this is how she repays me? By yelling at me like I as the one who did something wrong?

"Just go away!" she screamed as she ran to the other end of the parking lot.

I was about to go after her when suddenly, someone placed a hand on my shoulder. "Let her go, Gaskarth, I'll take care of this," Tyler – her brother who despises me – demanded.

I watched as he chased after her. I didn't want to get caught up in this mess so I did as he said.

With a big frown on my face, I turned around and walked away to the direction of where the party was. I needed a drink – or maybe a whole bottle.

[BROOKLYNNE'S POV]

"Alyx! Wait up!" Tyler called after me. I knew it was him since he was the only one who could call me by my middle name.

I stopped in my tracks, out of breath. My head started spinning and my sides hurt a lot. I was beginning to see white shapes in my vision but I shook it off with all the strength I had left. I turned around to face him and he pulled me into a hug.

I sobbed into his protective, brotherly arms as he held me tight. All I wanted was to get out of here and not have to face anybody else. I didn't want people to know about the whole thing with Grant and hopefully the word won't spread like some kind of juicy gossip in high school.

"I'll go call the guys and then we'll leave okay?" he said and I nodded.

He got his phone and called Dan, Mike and Liam – the rhythm guitarist of the band – and told them to run to the parking lot quickly.

It took them only a minute to get to where we were. Once they found me, they pulled me away from Tyler who took of his shirt – which was wet due to my tears – and gave me a group hug.

They didn't dare ask anything because they knew that it'd only make me cry more. They learned from the past experience to never ask because they knew I wouldn't be able to say anything. The only thing I would do in a situation like this was cry my guts out.

Once Tyler placed on the extra shirt he stashed in the car – he was responsible like that – he made us all get in the car.

One thing I was really glad about was that none of them complained about having to leave the party at 12 A.M. I thought they would start whining about all this – I mean that'd be understandable – but they kept quiet the whole time. Something tells me that they most probably knew that something like this was bound to happen but I wouldn't want to jump into conclusions anymore. It's too much for just one night.

Tyler took the driver's seat while Dan took the passenger's seat. Liam, Mike and I took the back. I leaned on Liam and he draped an arm around my shoulders while Mike took one of my hands. I was so glad to be finally out of that place.

We parked right outside a 7-Eleven branch but once the car stopped, I got up from the comfort of my best friends and asked Tyler why we were here.

"Look, the last time you had this kind of experience, you had Katie with you. I don't really know how these wallow things go but I'm sure it has something to do with ice cream or something like that." He said and I giggled.

"Hey, she smiled," Liam said turning back to face me. He smiled at me and I pinched his cheek.

"Tyler, I think you watch too many chick-flicks," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said getting out of the car.

We all got down after Tyler and raced into the store and hovered over the place where all the ice cream was stored. We all got one pint each since they were hungry and they wanted something sweet.

I got a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough one, Liam got Chocolate Fudge Brownie, Tyler got Cherry Garcia, Mike got Mint Chocolate Chunk and Dan got S'mores. As you can see, we all like Chocolate – except Tyler – and we all love Ben & Jerry's.

"Dude, Cherry Garcia? Seriously?" Mike asked and made me laugh.

"What? Cherry's are awesome." Tyler said defending himself.

They got into a small debate as Liam, Dan and I paid for all the pints of ice cream that we bought. Once we got our change and the receipt, we got back in the car and sped down the road and back to the venue so that our ice cream wouldn't melt.

We got to the bus and started digging into our ice cream. We ended up having a great time and they made me forget all about Grant and what that fucked up dude did. But when we ended at about 4 in the morning and I brushed my teeth, the reflection of the mirror that was in front of me showed me that I was still wearing Alex's polo. I washed up and took off the polo as I walked to my bunk and slept. I held it in my arms hoping that in some way, he could find a reason to forgive me for pushing him away. I don't want to lose him – ever.


	22. Chapter 22

Sunlight seeped out of the little window that I slept beside last night. I wonder why I didn't shut that curtain last night. Most probably I was too tired.

I checked my phone for the time and it told me that it was about eleven in the morning. I got out of my bunk feeling a tad bit better. It's weird how I ate that much ice cream last night and didn't feel like puking. Well maybe it wasn't a lot since half of it is still in the fridge but isn't it bad to eat ice cream before sleeping? I don't know. My mother always told me that if I ate too many sweets before sleeping, I'd bloat in the morning but I guess she was just trying to scare me. That liar.

No one was up yet when I climbed out of the lowest bunk in the right side. I quickly got some clothes from my bag and took a shower. It looked dry outside – like really dry.

I went into the bathroom and locked it to prevent the other guys to see me naked. I thought about what happened last night and suddenly my wave of happiness found its way out of my body. The feeling then became something sullen but I didn't want to feel down today. I needed to fix a lot of things though and number one on my list is Alex.

Once I finished taking a bath and brushing my teeth and changing into my clothes, I turned on the blow-dryer and dried my hair. Luckily the brush was just by the sink so I didn't really have to go out there.

I walked out of the bathroom with all the stuff that needed to be placed in my bag and saw that Tyler was already in the mini-kitchen on the bus. I walked over to him as soon as I did what I was supposed to and greeted him good morning.

"Did I wake you?" I asked as soon as he greeted back.

"Um, I think so. The dryer-thing was so loud." He complained and I laughed.

He looked at me with a face I couldn't decipher. He looked like he was questioning me but there was some kinda happiness instilled in there he just didn't want to let it out. "You seem happy today," he said facing me fully as he turned in his seat.

"Well, is there a problem with that?" I asked him walking over to different cabinets to get a bowl and a spoon for the cereal I wanted to eat for breakfast.

Once everything was set and I had some Lucky Charms in my bowl, I sat down right in front of him.

"Um, no problem," he said sleepily as he munched on some toast.

His eyes were only half open but I could see them observing me keenly. It only took a while for him to snap and talk about reality with me. I hated it when he made conversations like this with me. It always ended with him rambling about all the things I did wrong and me keeping silent. I was tired of that routine but I couldn't do anything. I don't know why I tend to just shut up as he lowers my ego but something in him scared me so I never tried to piss him off but apparently that didn't really work as much.

"Brooke, I know about you and Alex and I think it's not really a good idea. You should just look for some other guy and actually make him the only go you're seen out with so you wouldn't be labelled as some kind of whore or something." He said through the big piece of bread in his mouth. I just munched hard trying to suppress my anger by clenching and unclenching my jaw.

I didn't want to look at him as he started to talk about how Grant was a great guy and all that shit and that everyone made mistakes. Did he not know about what Grant had done?

"I mean I know that he did something wrong but you weren't supposed to just end up slapping him right across the face. Do you know how something like that can lower someone's self-esteem?" he said with a tone that made me want to pour the milk in my bowl all over his stupid self.

"Look, I know that finding out about him cheating on you was something bad but you were doing it firs-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TYLER! Stop telling me what to do! You're no boss of me! Oh, and if you really thought that Grant was an 'oh so awesome' friend, why don't you try being in a relationship with him?! You are such a fuckin' dick and I hope you reflect on what you just said 'coz you're sounding pretty stupid right now," I snapped running out of the bus not wanting to wait for him to answer back to me.

I didn't really hear any 'wise' comebacks from his mouth and luckily I wasn't there to hear it.

I ran towards the merch booths of some bands that were also here on tour but I didn't stop to look at what they had. I couldn't keep myself calm. I really didn't want to do that but something in me told me that I had to try it. I was growing up and I was making him the boss of me. That wasn't acceptable.

I stopped running as soon as I saw All Time Low doing a sound check. Zack was toying with his bass while Rian helped set up his drum kit.

Tears were brimming in my eyes and I was panting really hard under the heat but I couldn't break down here. I didn't do scenes, remember?

"Hey dude," Zack said as soon as he saw me approaching. "What's up?"

"Um, not much, really. Do you know where Alex is?" I said placing my hands in the pockets of the skinnies I was wearing.

"Yeah, I think he's out back," he said smiling. I smiled back at him and made my way to the back of the stage.

I didn't see him there so I slowly turned the door knob of the door that led to their dressing room that was right in front of me hoping to make things right with him. Once I opened the door slowly, I heard someone – a girl to be exact – moaning.

Alex was playing tonsil hockey with some girl who I guess he met last night. I slowly closed the door not wanting to disturb them.

I know I wasn't supposed to be feeling bad or anything like that since he and I were only friends but once I thought about him and how I really felt about him, I realized that I did like him as more than what we were now but I guess I put my hopes too high up in the air and now I just can't reach them.

I was on the verge of breaking down but luckily the Ray-bans I brought with me prevented people from knowing that. Jack walked by all of a sudden taking me away from the thoughts that hurt me.

"Hey!" he said attacking me with a hug. I laughed at him as he let go of me. "What're you doing here?" he asked me with this goofy grin on his face. He was grinning from ear to ear. I would kill to feel the same way he did right now.

"Well, I was just here to wish you all good luck," I lied.

"Oh, thanks," he said and then our small conversation was interrupted when the girl that was making out with Alex came out of the door.

I moved out of the way and looked at her as she looked at me with a face that said I wasn't going to get anywhere near these boys. I shrugged it off as Alex came out of the door.

"Okay, so I guess my mission is complete," I winked at Jack. "I'mma go now," I said and he hugged me one more time. Alex just stood there with so much disbelief in his eyes.

I walked away from them and heard Alex trying to call out to me but I didn't turn around. I didn't want to – at least not right now.


	23. Chapter 23

"Brooklynne, wait up! Please!" Alex said jogging up to me. He was panting when he reached my side. I stopped just so that he could catch his breath.

"What do you want Alex?" I asked somewhat aggravated with him. I know that I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way towards him but my body is doing otherwise.

"We need to talk," he said sternly as soon as he wasn't panting anymore.

"What do you think we're doing now?" I said speaking sarcastically. He placed his lips in a straight line as he looked at me.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened between you and Grant. I didn't mean to break you guys up," he apologized surprising me. "I never should have pushed the subject that far and for that, I'm really sorry," he said and suddenly, I felt myself go soft.

"Alex, stop it," I said in a soft tone as I looked at the floor. "If you didn't push the subject the way you did, the situation might've been worse and he would've gotten away with cheating on me," I admitted not wanting to meet his dark brown eyes. "And I'm sorry," I said looking up.

"For what?" he asked confused.

"I never should've blamed you for anything. You were right and I should've thanked you in the parking lot but I don't know what happened," I said embarrassed about the outburst.

"Oh, don't worry about that," he told me. I was half expecting him to say something about what he did back in the dressing room but it never came out.

I stopped smiling as I thought about what he did. It's not like we were together or anything but what he did sorta made me feel jealous. I noticed my frown and tried to cheer me up.

"Hey, look, I know it must be hard right now but you'll get over him," he said but it wasn't the kind of statement that I wanted to hear. I know it might be stupid but I actually expected him to apologize.

"How do you know that?" I asked him biting my bottom lip as I tried to play along. I didn't want to cause any more drama into our friendship so I guess it was best to just keep everything inside.

"I just do, okay?" he told me making me smile.

"Thanks," I said and he nodded. "Hey, I gotta go. I think I might be late for sound check so I'll catch you later?" I told him and he nodded.

"But we're cool now, right?" he asked me and I laughed.

"Yes, we're cool," I said before leaving.

I walked towards the stage where the rest of my band were waiting and got up on stage as soon as they saw me. I really wanted to just forget about him and what he did but that moment where I barged into the room just kept replaying in my head making it hard for me to shoo away those stupid thoughts.

"Where've you been?" Dan asked as soon as I got in front of the microphone and the keyboard the guys in the crew set for me.

"I just needed to talk to someone," I told him and I heard Tyler scoff.

I rolled my eyes as I took a peek at the set list that was on the floor before me.

"Who changed the set list?" I asked them and they all froze. I didn't mean to sound too fierce but my emotions were all jumbled up right now and it was hard to control.

"We all agreed to," Mike said biting his bottom lip feeling nervous.

"Why?" I asked breathing in and out harshly trying to hold back any violent emotion that was in me.

"Because we thought that the other song was cooler than the one that was originally on the set list." Liam explained fidgeting with his guitar.

I sighed heavily before turning my back to them and facing the empty arena where some fans were taking pictures of us. I must've looked miserable in them but I didn't really care.

We ran through each and every song on the set list and it all came down to the one they added to the list. It was called You Were and Are My Everything. I wrote this for Grant when in the first few weeks we went out together. I was the happiest I've ever been with him and I got so inspired that I grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and started scribbling down the words that wanted to just come out of my brain.

I played it for him once and he said that he liked it. But that was it. He told me he liked it and he didn't even ask what it was about. He never really appreciated the things I did for him and it was weird how everything was just coming into view right now. He didn't like the way I spent more time writing songs than with him and he didn't really like the way I dressed. He always thought I was sort of boyish and he always asked me to where something that revealed more skin. I didn't like clothes that showed too much. I guess we never were meant to be and I just wished I saw it right from the start. But what's done is done and I can't change that even if I desperately wanted to.

I didn't sing the last song properly. I kind of just muffled the words and sang 'lalalas' where I really didn't want to sing out some words. I didn't want to sing this song because it brought back too many memories that I wanted to forget badly.

Once the song was done, I turned on my heel and started walking towards the stairs that led backstage. I wanted to get out of here for a while. I mean I still had like 30 minutes before the show really started so I had time.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tyler asked tailing me.

"Fuck off, Tyler," I said not even turning to acknowledge his presence. I just got off of the stage and started walking away.

I was walking aimlessly as the grounds started to fill up. I didn't want to have to think about all this crap but things just get popping up in my head.

"Hey Brooklynne," I heard a familiar voice call out. I turned my head to see that it was Jack walking towards me.

"Hey Jack," I said giving his a smile but he wasn't smiling back. Something was up. "What's up?" I asked him as we walked towards a bench. Once we were settled on our seat, he turned his body halfway to look at me.

"I know you're upset about what you saw," he told me.

"What?" I asked in confusion as he smirked.

"Brookie, you don't have to hide it. We all know you like Alex," he said cheerfully with a playful smile on his lips.

"As a friend," I said smiling at the nickname he gave me.

"Psh, shut up. I know you better than that," he said rolling his eyes.

"Jack, you hardly know me," I reminded him and he pretended to get offended.

"You did not just say that," he said dropping his jaw and placing a hand on his chest.

"I think I did," I said laughing at his reaction.

"Fine maybe I don't know you that well but I do know that you have feelings for my best friend," Jack said looking at to the other side to see what was in front of him.

"Jack, I can't answer you truthfully right now," I said awkwardly as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

"Why? Because of the harsh break up with that douche bag?" he said and I laughed at the nickname he had for Grant. It actually fit him quite well.

"Yes, Jack." I told him and he looked at me to see if he said something wrong. But as soon as he saw me smiling, he started to look at the people passing by again.

"Brooke, I think it won't be hard for you to get over him." He said confidently.

"You don't know that," I told him looking at my shoes. "Even if our relationship was quite short, it still held a lot of memories,"

"So you're saying you're still torn up about this?" he asked me and I looked at him.

I smiled before answering him, "Honestly, I'm not really sure anymore." I said shifting in my seat so that my feet touched the ground.

"It's gonna be okay, Brooklynne," he told me and I smiled at him sheepishly.

"Thanks, Jack," I said and he placed an arm around me pulling me into a side hug.

"But about Alex," he started once again, "that girl didn't mean anything to him," he told me.

I looked at him confused. "Why are you telling me this, Jack?" I asked him.

"Because I saw the look on your face when that slut came out of the room," he explained and I bit my lip. "You shouldn't get worked up about that,"

"I'm not. I mean Alex and I aren't together so why should it matter if he was sucking some other girl's face out?" I asked him and he nudged me playfully.

"Stop it already," he said getting up. "I'll just put this out there, okay?" he started. He was getting pretty nervous and it seemed sorta funny so I started laughing. "Brooklynne Jamison, he likes you." He stated and I immediately stopped laughing.

"W-what?" I stumbled with my words. Did he really just say that?

"You heard me," he said smugly.

"Jack, if he liked me, why did he hook up with that girl a while ago?" I asked him and that caught him off guard.

"Because…because guys do stupid things," he said coming up with a clever answer.

"So why should I want to be with a stupid guy?" I asked him twisting everything around just to give him a hard time. I laughed at him as he started to think of a better comeback.

He was about to say something when all of a sudden, Mike came running towards me. "Alyx, it's time to start the show." He called out.

"Maybe you can try to explain to me later, okay?" I told Jack who sighed heavily.

"Fine, but remember what I said!" he said as I started running to the stage.

I ran with Mike towards the dressing rooms at the back of the stage and got ready for everything. Danielle, my hairdresser fixed my hair and gave me curls. Candy, my make up artist, gave my face a natural and bloomy kinda feel. She didn't like to put much make up on me because she told me I didn't need it.

"Okay, you're all pretty now," Candy told me and as she looked at Danielle who smiled back at me.

"Thanks, guys," I said getting up and pulling them into a group hug. "You guys are the best." I said and the roadie told us that we were on in a minute.

It surely didn't feel like 30 minutes since our sound check but when I looked at the clock it proved me wrong. I guess time flew by faster when you were talking to someone.

A minute passed by just like a second and then next thing I knew, I was greeting the crowd half-heartedly. But they couldn't read me like that. They couldn't see me faking. They hardly knew me.

I started singing the first few songs on the set list and thought that it was all going to be okay. I mean a few more songs won't hurt, right?

I got through a few more songs and then the next thing I knew, I was facing my worst enemy.

"Okay so this next song is called You Were and Are My Everything and this is probably the last song we'll be playing tonight," I said into the mic gaining a few disappointed 'awws' from the crowd.

I looked at Mike who looked at me anxiously. I gave him the brightest smile as he started plucking on his guitar. I started playing the notes I came to grow familiar with and then the words just flowed out of my mouth.

"_We met by the train station down this street_

_You had roses trailing at your feet_

_I held your gaze as you reached for my hand_

_You told me that you were the risk I should take _

_But I didn't understand. _

_You told me to take it slow_

_All because you wanted to know which way to go _

_I stopped at your feet willing to comprehend_

_You held my heart and I took your hand_

_And you said:_

'_You were and are my everything _

_You light me up and make the world _

_Fall into its knees _

_Oh baby please_

_Tell me you'll be mine_

_Because you light up the sky_

_With just one smile_

_Baby, please stay for more than a little while'_

_We ran away into our own little world_

_Where you were my only and I was your girl _

_You swept me off my feet with just one smile_

_You gave me hope and told me that it'll last forever_

_I said okay and we both ran together_

_We never looked back _

_We looked straight ahead_

_Listening to what our hearts really said_

_Not thinking about which way to go_

_I held your hand forgetting to take it slow_

_And you said: _

'_You were and are my everything _

_You light me up and make the world _

_Fall into its knees _

_Oh baby please_

_Tell me you'll be mine_

_Because you light up the sky_

_With just one smile_

_Baby, please stay for more than a little while'_

_Whoa, you told me to stay a while_

_You took my hand and then we smiled_

_We walked to the ends of the world and watched the sky_

_Saying we'd watch ourselves grow old and die_

_But you told me that we'll live forever _

_As long as we were together _

_You took my hand and then you said_

_Damn right you said: _

'_You were and are my everything _

_You light me up and make the world _

_Fall into its knees _

_Oh baby please_

_Tell me you'll be mine_

_Because you light up the sky_

_With just one smile_

_Baby, please stay for more than a little while'_

_Oh baby, you were and are my everything."_

Everyone cheered as the song ended and I realized that I was crying. I walked casually off the stage but as soon as the crowd didn't see me anymore, I ran straight out of the venue. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to go but all I did know that I was crying for no apparent reason and I didn't know where the hell I was. I really should pay more attention to where we go while we're on the road.

"Um, e-excuse me, do you know where the nearest park is?" I asked some random woman who looked at me with sad eyes.

"It's right there, dear," she said pointing right across the street.

"Thanks," I said laughing a little at how blind I was and then I ran across the street and got lost in the big park.

I looked for a secluded area and started crying my eyes out. I know that I still had an interview to do but I wasn't up for it. Tears just kept streaming down my face as I sank down right in front of a tree but made sure that no one saw me.

I tried to get a hold of myself by trying to calm down but it wasn't working right now. I breathed in and out harshly as I remembered everything I've been through with Grant. I couldn't stand it. I was about to scream when all of a sudden, a pair of hands lifted me up and pressed his lips to mine.

Alex found me.


	24. Chapter 24

"W-what are you doing?" I asked Alex as I pulled away from him. The tears dried up and I wasn't crying anymore. Was it because of him?

I would be lying if I told you that he wasn't a good kisser. But we weren't in a relationship and I don't kiss my friends like that. Actually, I don't give my friends kisses at all unless of course when needed.

"Brooklynne, I know we just met and stuff but there's this feeling inside of me that's been waiting to burst out and reach out to you so I can take you in and be with me. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the prettiest and the most talented girl in the world. I wanted to talk to you and I wanted to know you better. I tried thinking about being friends with you but after spending time with you and just talking to you, I don't know, it's like you cast this spell upon me and I just can't find a loop hole to get myself out of it,

"When I saw you with Grant and when you introduced him to me as your boyfriend, honestly, I was torn apart and it didn't feel right because I've never felt this way about a girl before. You didn't deserve him, Brooke. What he did to you was wrong in so many ways and if her were here right now, I'd totally beat the shit out of him for what he did to you and I wouldn't care if I got taken away to prison for that because he deserves shit for hurting you. No one should ever hurt you like that, no one.

"But practically, what I'm trying to say is that I like you, okay? I know that that was sorta straightforward but I just had to get that out. I had to because if I didn't, maybe I wouldn't ever get the chance and when I saw you sing your last song and saw the emotion in your eyes and watched you walk off the stage in tears, I knew you weren't okay. I had to find you because I wanted to make sure that you were fine. I don't know why I feel so overprotective of you or why I needed to find you just to make sure that you were happy but something in me told me that it was something that I needed to do because believe it or not, I think I'm falling for you." Alex said and that just left me speechless.

I didn't know what to say. I mean if you were in my shoes, what would you do? Fine, maybe you guys'll have some kind of answer but I certainly didn't. I must've looked so stupid there just standing and staring at him.

It took me a while to take it all in and the whole time, our eyes were locked onto each other. It didn't feel all that awkward. Actually, it sorta felt comfortable. I didn't know how or why I was able to say that but I guess knowing that I could trust him was a pretty big factor.

"You don't have to tell me how you feel right now, I mean I know it's a lot to take in," he said rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," I said. He must've been disappointed knowing that I didn't know how to respond to what he said.

"It's alright," he said taking in a deep breath as he looked around. "Wanna go get some ice cream?"

"Don't you have a show to perform?" I asked trying my best to sound polite. I didn't mean to be rude, swear.

"Well, you and I kinda played at the same time but we finished earlier and I ran to your set just to watch you play," he said and I laughed.

"Oh wow, a die hard fan," I said and he rolled his eyes at me as we started walking.

"So what do you say?" he asked again as we walked aimlessly in the park.

"Well, we had lots of ice cream last night so I don't think I'd want to get some," I said smiling at him. I placed my hands in the pocket of my jeans because for some reason, I was getting cold.

"How bout snow cones?" he asked and I smiled at him. This boy had a lot of determination, that's for sure.

"Sure, why not," I said and we headed out the park and looked for a snow cone stand.

It wasn't that hard to find really so once we bought our snow cones – I got a rootbeer flavoured one while he got a watermelon one – we headed back to the venue where it was getting sorta hectic.

Fans were running around excited about seeing some of their favorite bands live. I ate my snow cone as some fans were racing over to us. They were probably Alex's so I told him that I'd be heading back to the bus to rest.

"Sure, I'll see you later?" he asked and I nodded.

"Oh and thanks," I said raising up the snow cone that he paid for after a pretty long argument and he smiled.

"Anytime," he said and I started walking away but as I was walking, someone held me back. I turned back just to see the girls who were racing towards us a while ago.

"What can I do for you guys?" I asked them as they started getting all giggly. I took a bite of my snow cone which was pretty good by the way and watched as they grabbed CDs and pens from their bags and handed them over to me.

"Would you please sign these for us?" one girl asked. I think they were about 18 or 19 or along the lines of that. This actually surprised me, believe it or not. The fans we have usually go ask the guys to sign stuff for them. They asked them for pictures and stuff like that and I understood because they were all girls and the guys in the band were good looking.

"Sure," I said signing each CD. I finished my snow cone and threw it in the trash can beside a foot away from me as they thanked me and walked off to a certain direction.

"Brooklynne, over here!" Somebody called out to me. I turned back and saw that more fans were approaching me and asking for pictures.

Okay, so maybe I haven't been to most meet and greets or signing the band held since I thought it was pretty useless. They didn't really hold as much love for me as they did for the guys but maybe things have changed now.

I took loads of pictures with some fans and signed more CDs, shirts and other merchandise that they probably got from the merch stand. Some fans even gave me a few gifts like bracelets, letters, notes, other kinds of jewelry and candy. I love gummy worms and I received lots of them from the very generous fans I had.

I was starting to walk away since there were no one else came to ask anything from me when all of a sudden, a girl that looked like she was about 9 came up to me.

"Hey, I love all your songs and I'm a really big fan of yours and I really wanna be just like you when I grow up," the girl said. I could tell by the way that she stood that she was nervous.

"Aww, thanks, you're really sweet," I said giving her a smile.

"Oh, before I forget, can you please sign this for me?" she asked grabbing a piece of paper from her bag.

"What's this for?" I asked her and sat on my tip toes as I tried to level with her height.

She looked down at the ground looking a little embarrassed before looking up at me with an innocent smile. "Well, I wanted you to sign that because I didn't have any CDs or shirts. I didn't have enough money to buy anything and I really wanted to meet you so I decided to just make do with what I had," she said biting her bottom lip.

I couldn't help myself. The kid was too cute. I hugged her tightly and she wrapped her little arms around me. "Tell you what," I said just above a whisper. "I'll go and get something for you okay?" I told her and her smile brightened up a bit.

"Really?" she asked in a very high pitched and hopeful tone.

"Of course," I said, "who are you with?" I asked her looking around to see if anyone was looking for her.

"Well, my mother is waiting for me over there," she said pointing behind me and I watched as her mother smiled.

"Okay, go to her and tell her to wait for me, okay?" I said getting up back on my feet and signing the paper she had. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Kayleigh," she said and I wrote down a few words for her so that she'd remember this day.

I handed it to her and told her to go wait with her mother as I ran back to the merch stand which was a few feet away from where we were standing.

"Brian, I need a CD, two bracelets and an extra small shirt." I said and he handed me everything.

"What's it all for?" he asked me and I looked at the shirt and thought that it was way too big for her.

"Do you think you have a smaller shirt?" I asked him ignoring the question he asked me.

"Umm, nope, that's the smallest one," he said and I groaned.

"Okay, I'll just pay you later," I said and he raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"Nothing," he said raising his hands up. I really didn't get him sometimes.

I turned away from the stand and ran back to where Kayleigh was standing with her mother waiting for me.

"Here you go," I said handing everything to Kayleigh.

"Thank you so much for this," her mother said. "She's been waiting so long to just see you and she's been begging me to bring her here so that she can meet you and I'm glad she was able to," she said and I nodded.

"Don't worry about it," I told her with a smile.

"Um, you didn't sign these," she said nervously and I smiled at her.

"Oh, sorry, I almost forgot," I said getting on back on my tip toes and signing everything for her.

"Thank you so much," she said as I handed everything back to her. She placed them all in her cute little bag before giving me a big hug.

We both had a picture taken and then they left. As I was walking back to the bus, I felt tears brimming in my eyes. The love that her mother had for her daughter was just extraordinary. I've always been jealous of the kids who had mothers to care for them and to spend time with for a certain part of their lives.

"Hey Alyx," Tyler said coming up to me. He must've been watching me or something and he knew exactly how I felt about it. I know I should really be angry at him for being a jerk but I didn't want to feel anything but happy right now.

"Hey," I said trying to blink away tears.

Tyler smirked and pulled me into a brotherly hug and tears started streaming down my face. "She'd be so proud of you," my brother told me as I buried my face in his chest.

"You don't know that," I mumbled and he laughed making his chest vibrate.

"Oh but I do," he said pulling away and stroking the tip of my nose.

My brother and I walked back to our bus in silence. We both lost our mother the day that I was born and the minute I knew that, I've been blaming myself for her death. It took me a really long while to convince myself that I wasn't the reason for her death but I don't know. Maybe I was.

Tyler and I just sat there in the tiny living room of our bus as he told me stories about our mom that I've heard a thousand times practically. He was two years older than I was so he had some sort of memory of her and just hearing the stories he shared just made me want to know her. She sounded so loving and caring and I'd want to experience some of those things that Tyler experienced but we all knew that it couldn't happen. She was gone and she was probably in a better place but one day, I know I'll meet her. I just know it.


	25. Chapter 25

The last thing I remember doing was listening to Tyler talking. I fell asleep soon after. I don't know how I ended up in my bunk but when I woke up this morning, I realized that I was wrapped tightly in my sheets and there was a pillow beneath my head. I got up and stumbled out of my bunk. I fell on the floor and heard people snickering from the back of the bus.

"Good morning, Sleepy head," Jack said from the living room ahead of me. Shit they were here? What time is it?

"Uh, good morning to you too," I said blushing. Well this is embarrassing.

Alex soon came into view and peered into the hallway and laughed at me as he saw me on the floor.

"Am I still in my own bus or did you guys kidnap me?" I asked them getting up and heading towards the kitchen. Tyler was asleep in the bunk right beside mine and Dan was snoring away in his bunk so I guess I was still in our bus. But why were Alex and Jack here?

They just laughed at what I said with no plans to respond. Jack walked over to the couch and started another game of COD with Mike. Liam smiled at me as I walked into the kitchen. He grabbed the sandwich he made before making his way to his bunk. He was probably going to use his laptop and do stuff.

"So how'd you sleep last night?" Alex asked me as I looked for something to stop my stomach from growling so much.

"Okay, I guess," I told him grabbing a small box of Rice Krispies and a carton of milk. I placed them on the table as I got a spoon and a bowl from one of the cabinets by the counter.

I sat on the chair by the kitchen table while Alex took the one right in front of me. I made myself breakfast and started munching on my breakfast without problem until I realized that Alex was being quiet and he just kept his eyes on me.

"Did you want some?" I asked with my mouth full. I didn't understand why it was awkward being here with him.

"Oh, no," he said and I started eating again to try to avoid awkward small talk. "You know, I was supposed to take you out yesterday," he stated and I looked up from my breakfast and saw that he was looking down at the table tracing weird shapes with his finger.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized feeling bad about yesterday. He was the one who made me feel sorta better so I still owed him.

"Don't worry about it," he said with a bright smile. That very smile made my heart melt before we melt and right now, I hardly ever feel it beating whenever he smiles. "We can always hang tonight," he said and I smiled.

Silence started to fill our surroundings again and awkwardness was going to take control but I wasn't going to let it.

"Thank you, by the way," I said after swallowing the spoonful of cereal I placed inside my mouth.

"What for?" he asked confused.

"For what you did yesterday," I said giving him a small smile. It was pretty embarrassing for me. "I didn't think anyone would find me but I'm glad you did," by now I was already finished with my cereal. I placed it all on the sink and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and twisted the cap as I waited for him to respond.

"Well, Brooklynne, you know I would do anything for you. I can't stand to see you cry. Your pretty face doesn't need tears; it just needs a big bright smile." He said and I smiled as I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, just like that," he said and I laughed.

"Thank you," I said with a sigh as I threw my bottle of water in the trash. I was weirdly thirsty today. "So where are we going tonight?" I asked him as I leaned on the counter.

"It's a surprise," he said with a sly smile.

"Fine," I said pushing myself away from the counter. "But do I have to dress a certain way?" I asked yawning. Apparently my really long sleep last night wasn't enough.

"Just put on something sexy," he winked as he joined Jack and Mike.

They started getting into the game leaving me with nothing to do so I grabbed some clothes from my bag and went into the bathroom to change. Once I thought I looked decent enough, I went out of the bathroom and walked out of the bus. I walked around for a while until I met the familiar face of John O'Callaghan.

"Dude, you were sick yesterday," he said and I laughed. "That last song you played was just, wow." He said but I wasn't really sure if he was being sarcastic or anything. So should I believe him?

"Thanks dude," I told him with a smile as I scratched the back of my head remembering exactly what went down yesterday. "I'm really sorry I couldn't go to your show yesterday," I said. I really was going to go but I fell asleep.

"No big," he said still pumped up. He was just this ball of energy waiting to burst out. "Hey can you do me a favour?" he asked and I nodded.

"Sure, why not?" I said and he smiled as he slipped his hand around my neck and led me towards their bus.

"I was just wondering if you could help me out with something." He said sincerely as we climbed up the steps to their bus.

"What is it?" I asked curiously as we made our way to the back. The rest of the guys were nowhere to be found. I guess they were busy mingling outside.

"I'm making this song for this girl I like and I wanted it to be some kind of duet or like you know I sing and then you reply to what I'm saying and… well you get the picture, don't you?" he rambled and I chuckled. He seemed nervous.

"I get it," I said taking a seat on the couch. "So what do you have so far?" I asked and he grabbed the piece of paper on their kitchen table and brought it over to me. He grabbed a guitar while I read through it. "Do you have a tune?" I asked and he nodded as he grabbed a seat from the kitchen part and dragged it in front of me.

He started strumming his guitar and then the words flowed out of his mouth. Like he memorized everything he wrote on the piece of paper.

"_Oh, baby girl you are fine_

_Sad thing is that you're hardly mine_

_I try to talk but no words come out. _

_It's sad that you hardly know what I'm about_

_But when it all comes down to the sun setting, _

_When it all comes down to the end of the day, _

_I just wanna hear your voice and I wanna hear you say_:"

I looked down at the paper and started to think about the chorus.

"Wow, that was amazing," I said looking up as he stopped strumming.

"Thank you but you see, I'm kinda stuck." He said biting his lips as he played with his pick.

"Do you have another guitar?" I asked and he nodded. He gave the one he was holding to me and went to look for another one. It wasn't long until he came back with another acoustic and a pick.

"Thanks," I said and he nodded with his crooked smile as he sat down. I've always had a crush on John and I never thought that I'd meet him or talk to him like this and now here I am helping him out with a song. This was amazing.

He taught me the chords and I strumming along with him after a few minutes. I hummed along as we hit the chorus and I brainstormed for some words. Usually, words just come out whenever I try to write something and right now, there were a lot but I just didn't know what to use so I just started singing random things until I found a line that I kept repeating again and again. And from there, I started to form more lines. John was smiling the whole time because we were having some kind of progress and that was good.

"I think I've got it," I said after writing everything down on paper.

"Sing it like you mean it," he said winking at me as I laughed.

The chorus started playing and the words started flowing.

"_Baby I love you, _

_I want us to be real _

_I want us to be together_

_I want you to know exactly how I feel_

_Nothing's holding us back; let's break the world in two_

_Because nothing else matters except me and you,"_

"Amazing," he said and placed down the guitar. "You put my writing to shame," he said and I laughed. He looked at me in this really weird way and my laughter seemed like the only thing making the room feel alive.

"So when are you going to make the next part," I asked him. Why was everything ending up in an awkward silence?

"Probably in a while," he said getting up and taking a seat next to me.

I looked to the side and watched him as he leaned in. Was he really going to kiss me?

His lips touched mine and then he cupped my face in his hands. This was probably the epitome of wrong.

"What the hell?" I heard Alex exclaim. I pushed John away and jumped off the couch. How could I do this to him? 


	26. Chapter 26

I ran out of the bus ignoring the John who was calling after me. Fortunately for me, Alex was just leaning against the side of the bus. I rushed over to him wanting to explain but he started talking first.

"What? Was that like you getting back at me for that scene in the dressing room?" he asked frustration wrapping his tone up tight.

"Alex, I didn't even know he was going to kiss me. I was just in there to help him with this song he made," I explained and placed a hand on his shoulder but he sneered at it. I slid it off getting the message. He kept silent not really knowing what to say. "Look, if you don't believe me then fine have it your way." I said walking away.

I wanted him to yank me back and hold me in his arms but that didn't happen. Why the hell did John do that anyway? I really didn't get it at all.

I walked towards our bus and got on it and grabbed an acoustic guitar which was in a case. There was a pick stuck in between strings when I peeked inside so I guess I didn't need to bother the others and ask them for one. I walked to our merch tent where Craig was busy dealing with some customers.

I sat on the extra monoblock chair he had under the tent and started jamming by myself. This was what I did when I was feeling down and crappy. I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings since I closed my eyes and got lost in the music I was making. When I finally ended the song and opened my eyes, I realized that there was a crowd in front of me and that there was money in my guitar case.

People started complimenting me and asked me to do another song so I gave in to their wishes and more and more people came and placed money inside the case and slowly, this turned into a solo acoustic session.

I thanked all of them after I played five songs and then the crowd that had formed started to disperse.

"Money!" I said making Craig hold the guitar as I dived down and grabbed the case.

"Dude, calm down," he laughed as he made the guitar lean on the table.

"Who knew people would actually listen to me sing songs?" I said as I counted all the money I received. I saw a lot of tens and fives in here so there must be a lot.

"Well, seeing that you are a singer, maybe that sorta gave you away," he said and I laughed.

Weirdly after letting all that sad emotion out of me, happiness started racing inside me and the money I made sorta helped.

I really don't care if you think I'm a bitch right now or anything but I think relationships are mentally draining and sure, I do want to be with Alex but not right now. Why? Because if I do get into a relationship with him, he be a rebound and I didn't want him to be a rebound. So if ever he hates me now, I'll be totally fine with that because he'll find some other girl to make him happy. It's not like I'm not guilty about what happened in the bus with John but the truth of the matter is that he came on to me and I didn't kiss back. I want to tell Alex that but it would be a complete waste of my time since most probably he'll start avoiding me and crap like that. I didn't want to have to get stuck into that.

"Craig, what am I gonna do with all this money?" I asked him after summing the money up. I apparently received 351 dollars from the crowd that came over and this was just overwhelming.

"I don't know," he said stacking up more shirts. "Maybe you could go buy yourself something nice,"

"Okay," I laughed as I stuffed all the money in my pocket and hugged him.

"Everything alright?" he asked as soon as he released me. I nodded and placed the guitar back in the case with the pick. I locked it up and then brought it back to the bus.

"Where were you?" Tyler asked eyeing me suspiciously as I put back the case where I found it.

"Making loads of cash," I said with a toothy grin and he rolled his eyes.

"Like how much?" he said with an eyebrow raised.

"351 dollars," I told him and his eyes went wide.

"What did you do, strip in front of everybody?" Liam asked coming out of the bathroom.

"No," I said narrowing my eyes at him. "I was just jamming in the tent and I didn't really notice that I placed the guitar case open in front of me so people started dropping cash," I said skipping into the kitchen.

"Well someone seems happy today," Mike said ruffling my hair.

It wasn't 'til that moment that I noticed that Jack wasn't here anymore and that no one was playing in the living room.

"I made a lot of cash, who wouldn't be happy?" I asked and they all shook their heads at me knowing that there was something else that I wasn't telling them but they all shrugged it off.

My phone started buzzing wildly so I excused myself and picked it up at the front of the hallway so that no one would hear the conversation.

"Hello?" I greeted as I accepted the call. I didn't know who it was since I didn't check the caller ID.

"Brooklynne, I'm sorry I overreacted. John told me the whole story," Alex said over the line and I could hear the sadness in his voice. Why was he all sad?

"Alex, I sorta need to talk to you about something," I said softly as I sat on top of the bus steps and opened the bus door so that it wouldn't seem so tight.

"What is it?" he asked me as I bit my lip.

"Alex, remember yesterday when you told me exactly about how you felt about me in the park?" I asked him hoping that what I'm about to ask him won't tear out friendship apart.

"Yeah, what about it?" he seemed nervous and a little tense and for a minute I just wanted to say something entirely different but I knew that that wouldn't do us any good.

"Well, the truth is that I like you too, Alex but if I jump into a relationship with you now, you'd be some kind of rebound and I don't want that to happen. When we get together – hopefully in the future – I want us to be together because we both like each other for who we are. I don't want to like you simply because I want to get over Grant and I'm sure you wouldn't want that either," I said and paused for a moment to let him process everything. But he didn't say anything more so I just continued. "Basically, what I'm trying to point out here is that I want to wait for the right time," I said. "But if ever you don't want to wait, you can always find someone else, someone better than me to love you and-"

"Brooklynne, I don't want anyone else and I get where you're coming from and I sorta agree," he said and I smiled.

"So, friends?" I asked as I stared out at the people in the venue.

"Yeah, friends," he said and we both hung up.


	27. Chapter 27

[ALEX'S POV]

I sat up against the wall that divided my bunk to the next. I was actually quite surprised about what she said but then if she never pointed that out, I would never have realized that I was using her as a rebound as well. It wouldn't have lasted if he we slid headfirst into a relationship and I'm only thankful that she was the one who told me first because if it was the other way around, I might have said something stupid that would fuck this whole thing up. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to lose her. She was the real thing. The one who made me feel things and this time, I hardly doubted them. It was as if those feelings I've felt before were nothing but cheap shots compared to what she made me feel.

"What're you doing in there?" Jack asked ducking down to my level. "Wait you don't even have to answer that," he said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up," I told him getting out of my bunk.

"Oooh, someone's menstruating," Jack teased I rolled my eyes at him.

"I don't have a vagina like you," I said with a smirk as I grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen.

I wasn't really paying attention to what the rest of the guys were doing. I was just staring aimlessly at the game of COD they were having. Rian was winning and Zack kept complaining about something. It was weird how I was just zoning out but whatever.

"What're we gonna be doing tonight?" Matt asked me making me snap out of my daze.

"I don't know," I said sipping the water that was in the bottle in my hands.

"I want to go clubbing!" Jack shouted from the bunk area.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good plan," Rian said. "Booyah!" he exclaimed and rubbed his victory all over Zack's face.

"It's settled then," Matt said looking back at me. I just nodded as he left.

Clubbing tonight? Sure I'm down for it. It's been a while since we went clubbing and now seemed like the perfect time to get wasted. I wasn't really going for an easy lay or a casual fuck but I needed to just feel high and have fun. But how do I know that just talking to some guys and fooling around will do the trick? How do I know that that'll keep me from looking for something more?

I just hope nothing goes wrong tonight. I've had enough drama to last a lifetime and I didn't want to add to that anymore.

I hopped off of the bus and started to roam around the venue saying hi to some fans and chatting with a few of them. Luckily, there were more mature ones and less fans who went all up in my grill and screamed in my face. I mean I love them all but sometimes they it all gets too annoying. I mean like I'm right there, you don't have to scream your lungs out.

"Okay, I loved talking to all of you but I have to get going, Enjoy the rest of the tour," I said to the group in front of me.

They gave out a couple of disappointed 'awwws' and I gave them a sympathetic smile but continued to walk away.

I didn't really know where I was going and I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to keep walking. It was so hot in the area and I didn't wear clothes that would suit the weather.

I looked around not really looking for anyone but my eyes landed on a couple walking around the venue. They showed no signs that maybe they were together but I hoped they weren't.

Brooklynne didn't notice me staring at her and I couldn't believe she was with John. Did that phone call mean that she could go see anyone else and that she wasn't interested in me? Shit.

I watched them walk across the venue casually and I didn't know why I felt really jealous. Oh wait, maybe it's because I actually like her too much and that I'm thinking with my heart and not my head. Why would she settle for me when she could have so much more? When she deserved so much more? Why the hell am I talking myself down? I should be out there trying to get her.

I should walk up there and punch John in the face. But I didn't want to make a scene and that would only make her hate me. I hated how I felt so jealous about all this crap. This was senseless and I shouldn't think about it like that. If she wanted to make John the rebound then so be it. Maybe she was just using him or something to get ready for me. But maybe I'm being too conceited.

Fuck this. I'm getting wasted tonight.


	28. Chapter 28

The club was already filled with tons of people when we got there. Seeing that it was about nine in the evening, it was expected. I put a big smile to show everyone I was alright and luckily they hadn't seen right through me. Well actually, everyone was already heading for the bar for something to drink so they didn't really notice the show I was trying to put on.

I walked over to where they all were and they handed me my share of shots before we downed them all together.

"First one to get a girl gets five dollars from everyone!" Jack said already feeling a little tipsy. Jack being drunk is never a good thing.

"You're on," Zack and I said simultaneously. Rian just shook his head. He was probably going to just hang with Matt since they were both more 'mature' than the rest of us.

I was feeling more confident and I felt like the world was mine and the next girl I was gonna end up being with tonight would be a lucky girl. But maybe she wouldn't be so lucky in the morning when I leave her. One night stand, here I come.

Okay, five shots later, I was out on the dance floor watching this blonde bimbo grind all over me. She actually wanted me to be with her and I wanted to get laid. It's a fair trade, don't you think? I think so.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" I asked her as soon as she got back up.

She nodded absent-mindedly. She had too much alcohol in her system and that was a good thing, no doubt.

We stopped at the bar to get one last drink before catching a cab to the hotel right across the venue. We got a room easily and next thing I knew, the kissing turned rough and clothes were strewn across the room. I was inside of her since she was willing enough to let me in. There was no turning back now and I'd be happy about this but somewhere in me, there was this voice that told me that what I was doing was plain wrong but me being me, I shrugged it off and did what I wanted to do anyway. Fuck the haters, I don't need them prancing around and telling me what I can and can't do. This is my life and I'll live it how I want to.

I was meant to get up earlier but I couldn't. I woke up alone on the bed with a note on the side table. It had her number on it. It wasn't like I was gonna call her so I just dressed up and grabbed everything I owned before I went down and handled the billing. It was weird that I didn't have a hangover but then again, I wasn't super wasted. I was just somewhere in the middle.

I walked across the road to the venue and climbed on the bus just to find everyone snoring away. Well Zack was probably jogging outside but Jack and Rian were still in their bunks. I guess I was the only one who'd get paid today.

I walked to my bunk and grabbed a set of clothes from my bag and took a quick shower in the bathroom. After which, I brushed my teeth and then grabbed something to eat. It didn't really take long for me to fix up a peanut butter sandwich and eating it.

It was eleven by the time the guys got up and Zack was sweaty when he came back on the bus. How that man managed to cure his hangover by running around, I didn't know.

"Hey man, how was your night?" Zack asked as soon as he finished showering and changing into new clothes.

"Fun," I said smirking brightly as I thought about what happened.

"Yeah, well Brooklynne was looking for you when we got back and I told him you were probably at the hotel across the street with that girl you left with," Perfect. I didn't have to rub it all over her face myself.

"What'd she say?" I asked him.

"Well, she didn't really say much but I could tell that she was pretty pissed," he told me grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen.

"Whatever, she has no reason to get mad at for that," I said with the attitude I've come to know so well.

"Dude, you're messing everything up," he said sitting on the counter next to the fridge.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Didn't you know that she and John-"

"They're not together like that," he said in a way that told me that he probably knew more than I did about her situation or whatever.

"And how would you know?" I asked him crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back on my chair.

"She spent all night talking to me about you because I left early," he said throwing the empty bottle of water in the trash can.

I was dumbfounded. I didn't think she was the kind of person to just talk to anyone about things like this but then again Zack isn't just anyone. He can be pretty trustworthy.

I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to go find her and apologize? Did I have a reason to apologize? I mean we weren't anything really. I mean we were just friends and she didn't have the right to overreact like this and we didn't make a pact about not seeing anyone.

I sighed as I got up and left the bus. I had no intention of finding her but my feet were leading me to her bus. I stopped midway and looked around and saw that she was handling merch today. The day just started and she was stocking up some things on the table. Their merch guy was there to help her so I guess it wouldn't be a problem if I pulled her aside for a while to talk to her.

"Hey," I said as soon as I was near enough for her to hear me. "Can we talk for a sec?" I asked nicely but the person beside her was shooting glares at me. I looked at him to see that he had a large scowl on his face.

"What do you want, Gaskarth?" Oh, so she was calling me by my last name now?

"I need to talk to you in private," I told her and she rolled her eyes and got of the tent. We were walking aimlessly around the venue as I tried to stir up the right words to start the conversation.

"Why are you so pissed at me?" I asked her as soon as we were far enough from their merch tent.

"Last night I was going to ask you to hang with me because I didn't have anything to do last night but Zack told me that you were with a bimbo at the hotel across the street possibly wasted and having sex." She spat out but I just stood there emotionless.

"I thought you told me that we were just friends," I told her and for a second she was going to say something else but she kept it to herself.

"You're right, we were just friends," she told me walking away from me.

I felt bad, I mean I did. But I was right. I mean she had no reason to get pissed at me. But something in me told me that she did. I'm being a jerk and now, instead of trying to win her over, I'm pushing her away.

Fuck this.


	29. Chapter 29

"Okay, hold on a sec," I said grabbing a hold of her wrist before she could walk any further.

"What the hell, Alex?" she said jerking my hand of her arm but I didn't move it. She stopped and turned her whole body to me. I don't really know why but she looked even more beautiful frustrated.

"I don't get it. You have to explain this to me. I thought you said it was fine-"

"Alex, I don't want to talk about this." She stated but I didn't listen to her. I forced it out of her.

"I want to talk about this and I want to talk about it now," I said sternly and her eyes started to fill with tears and I couldn't do anything about it. It sorta hurt knowing that I was the cause of her said misery but maybe I can fix it. Maybe I can make it go away but I'd need her help because as of this moment, I am completely clueless.

"I know I said that it was okay if you grew tired of waiting but you told me you didn't want anyone else, Alex and that gave me hope. It gave me too much hope and I just didn't see anything that might destroy the hope I had in me. But you went and stabbed it until it was dead and gone. I thought that maybe a little time would only make us want to be with each other more but you took the first train ticket to go and get yourself some filthy pleasure with some slut who probably swooned over you because you're Alex Gaskarth. I thought I knew you and how you worked but apparently I didn't. I thought that you'd change because of me but I guess I was too high up in the clouds and unaware of the surroundings here on the ground. But all I really wanna let you know, Alex, is that it hurts to be the only one wanting something and getting crushed in the end. It just hurts too much," she said just above a whisper as tears fell from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said in the same hushed tone. She shook her head and looked to the side – away from my face. "I guess I never really thought about it like that,"

"That's because you never think, Alex," she said angrily as she pulled my hand off of her arm. She caught me off guard so I couldn't hold on to her.

I didn't say anything and she stared at me as she waited for me to answer. I wasn't really planning to say anything so I just stared right back at her. I was too embarrassed to even think about saying that maybe it'd all be okay now and that we could be together. Who'd want to be with a guy like me? If I had no fame at all, I'd probably be just another guy looking for a girl who'd want to be with me when no one in this world would even look at me twice if I was some infamous guy living his life like any other person.

I couldn't really do anything about the situation anymore since clearly we were done and I've hurt her too much and there was probably nothing I could do to make it up to her. I had this urge to just walk away until I realized that she was right there waiting for me to answer to her. She was still here and that meant something. But did that mean that I had some twisted chance to be with her?

"Brooklynne, I really am sorry for hurting you and hopefully, you'll find someone better than me in the future. Maybe once I'm out of your life, you'll be able to see that there are guys out there who really do think about what makes you happy and what makes you angry. I've hurt you too much I guess to be that guy and I'm truly sorry for everything." I told her and turned away from her. I knew that if I stood there, she'd probably never have anything to say so I'm sparing her the pain and I'm saving her time.

"Alex, wait," her voice was softer this time as she grabbed my hand. She wiped a couple of tears using the back of her free hand and it pained me to have to see her like this. It made me even guiltier that somehow, I was the cause of all the pain she was feeling.

"Yeah?" I asked as I stared into her beautiful eyes that were still pretty even if they were bloodshot.

"I can't," she simply said.

"You can't what?" I asked her as I raised an eyebrow.

"I can't just let you go." She said. "You're the only person that ever really mattered to me and I just can't let you go,"

"But you haven't even been to several parts of this country and you haven't lived your life long enough to say that," I argued hating the fact that she has 0% hope in her.

"I don't have to go around the country to find the right one for me. I don't know but there's this sick and twisted feeling inside of me that keeps telling me not to let you go no matter what. It's like I like you too much to just watch you leave when I know that I don't want you to," she said and I breathed out a laugh.

"Well, that is pretty sick and twisted," I told her and she smiled. I pulled her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around me.

"I don't know if this really is the right thing to do but if ever we'd ever lose ourselves in this road we're walking on, then I guess all I'll be able to say that I'm glad that I'm lost with you," she said into my chest.

"Me too, Brooklynne, me too," I whispered into her ear as I held her in my arms knowing that this moment could last forever if I wanted it too. And I know I do…


End file.
